It's Over.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Boxing Day

He's still hanging in there, as far as I know. I guess everyone has told him it's okay now for him to let go. Everyone is going to be alright, things are taken care of. He still won't let go. Something is keeping here. No one can figure out what it is. They've upped his morphine dose to help him along, so I'm told. I completely disagree with this. "No heroic measure" this is what he wanted. Fine and dandy. But. What about the necessities of life. Like oxygen and fluids. He's receiving neither. I don't think those classify under 'heroic' but apparently in the medical world, they do. What if he's hanging on still because he's changed his mind? Is he aware? Is he still in there, or is it simply his body not wanting to shut down? I don't know. I can't imagine what it's like in that hospice room. It must be so heavy and sad. Of course it is. In a way I'm glad I'm not there, in a bigger way, I'm horrified that I'm not there. I should be there to lend my support or help wherever I can. Distribute tissues, go for coffee runs, offer hugs and a shoulder, an ear. Anything. But I'm not. I'm sitting in my house going half crazy thinking about this and thinking about how on earth I'm going to get myself back home for the service. Money doesn't grow on trees you know. We just had Christmas. We just finalized our budget for 2010. It was going to be the year of saving. Still is, really. But that doesn't mean that we still stretched ourselves in 2009. Yes, all bills are paid, there's food in the cupboard. But there's no wiggle room. If I have to hitchhike with my baby all the way home. I will. I have to get there, some way. I'll get there. I just don't know how.

I'm going to go to bed now. With my phone under my pillow. Knowing that every minute that ticks by is another minute closer to receiving the phone call I never wanted to get. The phone call that my mom never ever wanted to make. I'll go to my bed with a heavy heart. I'll pray for strength and understanding. For myself and my family. I'll pray for comfort for grandpa. For him to know that it's alright to go home. His body will be healed. He'll be whole again. I'll pray for peace for my aunts and my uncle. I'll give thanks for my wonderful and happy life. For my children, my husband. My brothers and sister. I'll thank the Lord for all the little things in my life that mean so much.

Hanging in There

Grandpa is still hanging in there. Mom told me today that they had some very sad moments today, but also so happy ones. Lots of memories being shared, laughs, but lots of tears. I guess Grandpa just isn't quite ready to leave yet. Perhaps he's enjoying having all his kids together again. Maybe that was his secret Christmas wish. Who knows? As of 10:50 this evening, I have yet to receive a call saying that Grandpa has gone home.

Despite these current events, we did have a very Merry Christmas. The big boys had a lot of fun this morning. Liam got very overwhelmed. We figured this would happen. It happened last year when Spencer was a similar age. Liam opened his first gift and that was it. It was all he wanted to play with. I ended up opening a large portion of his gifts because he couldn't focus! Poor guy. We may change it next year and open regular family gifts on Christmas eve and then save the stockings and Santa gifts for Christmas morning. One of my friends does this and I didn't see why until this morning. It spreads out the festivities a little more. The little kids can deal a little better, and it helps with the chaos of gift opening and playing. Spencer really enjoyed all his gifts. He was able to handle the chaos a little better. He still tired out pretty quick and was ready to just play after a little bit!

Dinner was fantastic, despite the fact that I forgot to get cranberry sauce! Oops! We had pie for desert and everyone was satisfied and full at the end of it all! Today was a success! There were a few tears shed, but also memories shared.

Merry Christmas?

It's Christmas Eve. I'm sitting here with the news that tonight will probably be the last one for my grandpa. I'm heartbroken. So so incredibly sad. I've lost a lot of people in my life. A lot. But never anyone of this caliber. I have immense guilt over the fact that he's dying, and I'm here and I can't go and see him. I feel so much guilt over the fact that I never made time while I was back home to go see him. I didn't bother taking my babies to go see him. He never met 3 of his four great grandsons. I feel horrible. I feel sad that I can't be there for my mom while she experiences a loss so profound her world will never be the same. I should be there. I've been doing my best to be strong when I talk to my mom on the phone. Really all I want to do is bawl and tell her how much this sucks. But I need to be strong. This can't be easy. No matter what age you are, I doubt that you're ever fully prepared for losing a parent. Whether it was a long drawn out process, or something quick and unexpected. I imagine the pain is still just as raw. Just as heavy. I know how I'm feeling about losing a grandparent. I remember when I was really young, I used to be terrified of my parents dying. I was just as terrified of my grandparents dying. I can remember being up at night silently crying to myself at the mere thought of losing a parent or grandparent. I'm living my worst nightmare. I'm guessing my cousins and aunts and uncle are feeling the same way. This really sucks. I know my grandpa has been dying for a long time but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm going to do my best to have a Merry Christmas anyway. I'm sure it's what he would've wanted. I'm going to make sure I stop and think about him though. Remember him in his happier healthier days. I'm going to pray and pray that he's at peace, not in pain. I'm going to pray for strength for my mom and her brother and sisters, and her step-mother. I'm going to pray for understanding. I'm just going to pray. It's about all I can do at this point. I'm going to remember Christ at this special time. I'm going to call on Him to lift me and hold me through this. I'm going to pray for comfort for my family. And happiness. It can still be a happy and merry Christmas. After all, Grandpa will be whole again. His body will be healed. He'll be in a far better place, looking over us all. With a smile I hope.

Never Fails

Dan left about 45 minutes ago to drive into the city for work today. He'll be home this afternoon. Anyway, Nolan hadn't been up yet for his second feeding. It's a two person job when the bug gets up. No less than 5 minutes after Dan drove away, guess who's up? With an EXTREMELY full and EXTREMELY stinky diaper. Yup. You guessed it. I'm glad he pooped though. He has a habit of going about a week between poops and it freaks me out. Apparently it's not uncommon with breastfed babies, but still. Anyway. His guts are cleaned out, his belly is full and now i'm about to go haul Liam out of his room so he doesn't wake up the rest of the house.

The Move is On

I started cleaning out our closet today. By cleaning I actually mean I hauled everything out of the closet and left it in the middle of the room. I moved all my clothes into Spencer's closet and put Nolan's bassinet in our closet. I'll be able to fit a chair in the closet so I can feed him in there in the middle of the night. Nice! It'll be awesome to be able to go to bed and read again! Nolan has been doing fairly well with going to bed. He had a hard time last night, but that was because he was hungry hungry!

Liam went and had his H1N1 and seasonal Flu booster shots today. Silly daddy forgot to bring the bear!! We all know Liam can't go anywhere without the bear! Anyway, he cried for the shots but quickly recovered. When they got home Liam came upstairs, got his bear, climbed up on my lap and promptly fell asleep!! He's NEVER done that before!! It killed me to go lay him in his bed! I wish I could have just snuggled him on the couch all afternoon!

Spencer hasn't had a nap for the past 2 days! He gets really grumpy in the evening, but I think that he might be ready to give them up once and for all. It makes me a little sad because I lose that quiet time in the afternoon that I so so so cherish. But I'm thinking I'll start enforcing some sort of quiet time rule where he has to go to his room and read for a little bit. Or play quietly. I don't want to just put him in front of the TV and leave him all afternoon. Today we coloured for a little bit, he's got such interesting things to say! It's nice when he's all alone and just starts speaking whatever is on his mind! He's so intelligent and observant!

So I managed to finish up my Christmas shopping yesterday. Maybe another few stocking stuffers for Dan and then I'm good. This year I decided that Dan was in charge of stocking stuffers for the kids. I've done 100% of the Christmas shopping for the kids for the past 3 years so I figured it was time he had a chance to do something. I have such a hard time with stockings and he thinks in a completely different way than me so I like seeing what he chooses! He always does a good job with my stocking, so I'm sure the boys are going to love whatever 'Santa' puts in theirs!

I can't wait to see the big boys on Christmas morning! I know it's been said a million times before, but there's nothing like experiencing Christmas through a child's eyes. Their joy and wonder for the season is so pure!! I love seeing them believe with their whole heart that Santa is coming! I hope we can keep them believing in Santa for a long long time!

Anyway, enough rambling! I should go get some clothes ready for work later tonight! And maybe eat some lunch!

Nolan Meets Great Grandma Peggy

Wednesday was a big day for Great Grandma Peggy. She got to meet her newest great grandson, Nolan!! Nolan brings the grand total of GG* Children to 6 for Grandma Peggy. She was having a pretty good day. Was able to communicate well. She got to see what a hooligan her GGson Liam is! He definitely would much rather explore the nursing home and bang on the giant fish tank than hang out in GGma's room! Nolan was the perfect little angel for her. He even woke up and flashed her his amazing dark blue eyes! Little stud! We realized that from here on out when we go to the Youville to visit GGma Peggy it will be with only one child at a time. It's far too much excitement/noise to take all three. It's not fair to the other residents to have our kids running and screaming in the halls! But, at least for one day, GGma Peggy was able to see what our life is like. I'm sure she can relate, she had 7 Children in her home. Good lord, I admire her patience!

*Great Grand

Growth Spurting Again

Nolan is currently going through his 9 week growth spurt. I love it. I would love it more if he'd eat like crazy for a day or 2 then sleep like crazy for a day or 2. He's eating and sleeping like crazy all at the same time. Thank god I have a tonne of breastmilk in the freezer. I almost can't keep up with him! Little porker!

I noticed today he has a pretty awful rash under his chin(s). I think I'm going to have to put some cortisone on it to get it to clear up. And lots of baby powder to keep it dry in there. He spits up so much it's almost always wet in his little folds.

Anyway, time to go. Spencer is in a to-the-rest-of-the-day time out. Climbing on top of the computer desk...penalty. Climbing on top of the computer desk to reach the scissors...penalty and a game misconduct. Stinker.

It Really Annoys Me

It really annoys me when I'm out with all three kids and people look at me with pity. I hate it when little old ladies come up and think they can TOUCH my babies. HELLO PEOPLE. COLD AND FLU SEASON? Now I will admit, I'm a borderline germaphobe, but still. There are some serious illnesses out there right now that I cannot vaccinate my newborn baby against. He has to rely on the antibodies he receives through my breastmilk. He has to rely on me to keep him healthy and safe. I take that job seriously. Spencer didn't have so much as a cold before he was a year old. I take that as a personal victory. I do everything in my power to keep my kids healthy. That's not to say that another parent out there who's child(ren) get sick frequently is negligent or dirty. No. Kids get sick. For a long time, Spencer got sick almost every time he was taken out of he house. Kids pick up germs anywhere. That being said, I tend not to take my kids out hardly at all. They don't get exposed to very many things because their in my house and I can control how clean I keep it in here. Anyway, I hate it when people come up and think it's okay touch my baby. On his face. Do I go around touching other people on their face? No. So keep your hands off my baby. Thankyouverymuch.



It also really annoys me when someone asks how old my children are. They're three and a half, twenty months, and 2 months. Yes, they're close together. No it was not a mistake. Please don't say "oooooo wow you must be really busy". Yes, I am. I planned it that way. I'm not sorry my life is crazy busy.

It annoys me when people ask the genders of my three children, and then give a sorry sounding 'oooh' when they hear I have three boys. No, i didn't ever plan on having three boys, but that's the beauty of having babies, you can't control it, and even if you were hoping for the opposite gender...like i was, you can't imagine your baby being anything other than what they are. I can't imagine not having Nolan. God gave me three boys for a reason. I love my boys, I wouldn't trade them for the world. I do still want a girl, but more than likely that'll not be happening.

I don't know why having kids makes everyone else in the world feel like they can ask fairly personal questions (Are you breastfeeding?) What business is it of yours? Offer advice...I'll never forget this. When Spencer was 8 weeks old, we were in Regina for a few days. It was chilly out, not freezing. I had Spencer super bundled up getting ready to load him into the car to go do some exploring. On my way out of the hotel, this little old lady stopped me, started readjusting all of Spencer's covers and telling me the 'proper' way to cover him up. Thanks Mrs. Crazy, but he's MY child and I'll cover him however I see fit. Thanks.

Anyway, don't complaining for the day! Time to go get ready for work.

A New Day

My mental burden seems to be a little lighter today. Nolan had a fanfreakintastic night last night. Went to bed at 8...controlled *CIO for an hour and a half...Daddy had the magic touch last night!!! And...wait for it...He slept from 930 until FIVE AM!!!!!! Quick feed...some quiet reflection in his bassinet, another request for food and then back to sleep until TEN FREAKIN THIRTY this morning! I'm a whole new person today.

*Cry It Out.

I cleaned Spencer and Liam's bedrooms this morning, I drank an entire pot of coffee, have almost successfully fought off a cold, cleaned the kitchen, had some quiet time, pumped twice with no interruptions, had a phone conversation, ate breakfast AND lunch! I feel good to have got a few things accomplished. It's good for my soul. Very good. I like neatness, calm and order in my house. For the past 8.5 weeks, I've had none of that. For the first 6 or 7 weeks all I did was yell at the big boys. Not something I'm particularly proud of. I've been a monster to my husband...again, not proud. I've been spending money like a maniac....something I've noticed happens when i'm stressed, down, overwhelmed. Not good.

Well, all three kidlets are sleeping. Gonna ago veg on the sofa until they wake up! Lord knows it won't be very long!

I'm Trying

This third baby of ours has really thrown our world for a loop. I feel like i can't catch my breath. At all. All I do is tread water, exist, survive. I can't get a routine back into this house to save my soul. Anyone who knows me, knows that I thrive on routine. My kids thrive on routine...except Nolan. I realize he's only 8.5 weeks old. But the other two boys had a pretty awesome routine down by this time. Both were sleep trained. Not to sleep through the night, but to at least have a consistent bedtime every night. Not Mr. Nolan. Nope. This little boy is a challenge of challenges. He's colicky, and hungry, and doesn't appreciate his Daddy trying to snuggle. He loves his Mommy. He NEEDS his mommy. It's hard to not be able to catch a break. It's hard to be at his beck and call 24 hours a day. Dan definitely tries his hardest to calm and soothe Nolan. He tries to take over, but the little bugger won't have any of it. I can't go to bed early, I can't take a bath, I can hardly get out of the house because this kid needs to be on me all the flippen time. I love him, I really do, but sometimes it's a love because I have to. Not because I want to. He's certainly made the decision whether or not to have more babies pretty easy. My mental state would suffer badly if we were to bring another baby into this world. I hate feeling like I'm short changing my big boys because the baby is so excessively demanding. I hate turning on a cartoon in the basement for them to watch and then just leaving them to their own devices for the majority of the day because I'm too exhausted and overwhelmed to be a half decent mother to them. It kills me that they're getting pushed aside so that this new little person in the house can be tended to. I wish I was a better parent and could easily and breezily handle parenting three kids. I can't. If I had known how difficult this would have been, there's no way I'd have had another baby. That being said, I wouldn't trade Nolan for the world. The rare moments where he's smiling and cooing are absolutely worth it. I know this phase doesn't last forever, but it's extremely difficult to deal with when we're in the heat of it.

Anyway off to deal with screaming and crying. Wonderful.

I hate colic

I love my baby. I really do, but let me tell you, incessant crying for hours and hours on end makes even the most calm and seasoned parent want to run for the hills. I'm finding myself slipping back into the rut I was in when I was pregnant with Liam. I think it was borderline depression. I had postpartum depression with Spencer. Never sought help, it went away on it's own. Not after me contemplating running away (seriously) quite a few times. Anyway, this colic business is really really getting to me. Hours and hours and hours of screaming. I mean SCREAMING. Nothing soothes, nothing calms. Nothing except mommy's arms (sometimes). I don't know if it's because I smell like his food. Thank you breastfeeding....I'm now little more than a dairy cow to my newborn son. Anyway I made Dan wear one of my big pajama t-shirts when I went to work last Friday night trying to make his evening with the lovely Nolan go a little smoother. I guess it helped...until he puked all over it. Nolan-not Dan! I wish Dan would give the Mama kangaroo wrap a go. I think he'd find Nolan was a lot more calm if he were in it. One, he's snuggled super close. Two, it smells like me because I always have it on. But, Dan figures he needs boobs for it to work. No clue where the logic in that is as it's tied around your waist, but whatever, if he wants to deal with a screaming baby while I'm at work, fine. I don't have to hear it.

We finally got our 'nice' Christmas tree up and decorated. We put up the kids tree in the basement a few weeks ago and let them go at it with the decorations. It looked really cute until the next morning when Spencer and Liam went down and undecorated it. Now all the decorations are sitting in a basket out of little fingers reach.

My darling little Liam this morning. Man oh man this kid is awesome. When I was getting the kids dressed this morning Spencer chose some Diego unders. Liam has a new obsession with Diego so he kept grabbing Spencer's bum trying to get at Diego. Thank goodness Spencer has more than one pair of these particular unders because I grabbed the other pair out of his dresser and handed them to Liam so he could have his own Diego. Well no, this was not good enough. The little monkey had to have them on. So, I put them on over his sweatpants thinking when I changed his diaper I could just slip them off and all would be forgotten. Nope. They had to go back on. We had to go to Walmart this morning for a few things. Okay...try to take the unders off before we head out the door. Absolutely not. So, with my hair wet, a dirty jacket, screaming baby, very talkative 3 year old and a 1.5 year old wearing neon green underwear ON TOP of his pants, we piled in the van and went to walmart. What a sight we must have been!!

Spencer has been practising a lot of words lately. He cracks me up sometimes. Yesterday he was declaring that Liam's new train was "Fricken beautiful". Guess i need to be slightly more careful with my language!! The kid has been known to drop a few f-bombs in his day. Again, need to be a little more careful with my adjectives!

Anyway, off to bed. Gotta get up early and drive my babe into the city for his abdominal ultrasound. Just to make sure all his little guts are working the way they should be. I'm sure they are!!

Night

Colic

Hello, my name is Michelle, and I have a super colicky baby. Can I take a moment to tell you how much FUN a colicky baby is? I have a baby who screams at the top of his lungs for a minimum of 4 hours a night. A baby who screams in pain and cannot be soothed no matter what we try. I have a baby who is on acid neutralizing medication and an anti-vomiting medication to help him get some relief. I have a baby who sleeps in his bassinet at a pretty steep incline in an effort to help him get some sleep. I have a baby who only wants to be held by his mommy. Not his daddy, not his Grandpa or Nana. He only wants his mommy. I have a baby who right now is miraculously sleeping in his swing, though I'm pretty certain it won't last long. I have a baby who is going for an infant ultrasound next week to make sure there's no underlying cause to his reflux/vomiting/pain/screaming. I have a baby who's mommy needs some help but unfortunately doesn't have any because any family she trusts with her precious babes lives too far away and have responsibilities of their own. I have a baby who is super super super cute, can melt my heart with his big gummy grins, who is loved beyond belief by his big brothers. I have a baby who is 7 weeks old. 49 days old. It makes me sad. My baby is growing WAY too fast. I have a baby who has decided for his mom and dad that there most certainly without a doubt will not be another baby in our family. I think I'm okay with that. I think.

A Rough Go Of It.

It's been crazy around here lately. Nolan is no longer a fan of sleep. Unless, of course, he's being held. And not by just anyone, he needs to be held by me. While I love snuggling my littlest babe, I really do need to be able to put him down at some point. The past 2 nights have been insane. As I've said before, Dan feeds Nolan in the middle of the night while I pump. So Monday night Nolan was in bed at a decent time. 10 o'clock I believe. Anyway he was up at 1:3o to eat. He had his bottle and then when he realized Dan was the one holding him, he flipped right out. So, I got to sit up for a half hour pumping listening to Nolan scream bloody murder. I took Nolan from Dan after I was finished pumping and kept him until 2:30 or 3. He was calm so Dan took over and stayed up with him until 4:30. Nolan was then up at 5:30 to eat. I fed him and he went back to sleep. Last night, Nolan went to bed at 8(!!!) and woke up at 10 to eat. Dan fed him and then Nolan freaked out, again, so I took him downstairs and watched some TV. The little guy was tired so he went back to sleep fairly quickly. Nolan was up at 1:30, Dan fed him, Nolan flipped out. So again, sit upstairs for a half hour pumping while Nolan is downstairs with Dan screaming his head off. I go downstairs and take him from Dan, the kid immediately shuts up. So, I get him to sleep...again, he was tired so he went to sleep again fairly quickly. Nolan got up at 5 to eat...again...same thing. So. this time I got way way WAY frustrated and put him screaming into his bassinet and wheeled him into our master bath, closed the door, closed the door to the bedroom, came downstairs and let him scream himself to sleep. It's getting harder and harder and harder to deal with these friggen outbursts. I have no relief and when I get frustrated I have dan getting mad at me because I'm getting frustrated. Nice. I get absolutely no break whatsoever from these kids. While he is tired, he still gets to go to work and talk to adults, not change diapers, not hear one, two or all three kids screaming on and off all day long. He doesn't have to sit with kids through time outs, he doesn't have to break up fights, divvy up toys, feed, rock and soothe babies, doesn't have to cook, or clean. Doesn't have to sit cooped up in a house wondering when the next time he'll be able to leave. He has a shower every morning, he eats breakfast at a leisurely pace, goes to work before anyone else so he gets quiet time. Me on the other hand, I wake up to at least one kid crying for food, usually all three. I don't get to shower every day. I have to cook three meals a day, every day, I clean clean clean all day every day, I usually get in one phone call to another adult a day but no face to face, I have to break up fights usually every 5 minutes or more, divvy up toys, sit with kids through time outs, make beds, remake beds. Clean the kitchen, reclean the kitchen. Vacuum, vacuum again. Change diapers, wash faces and hands, wipe bums, sometimes I get to eat breakfast, not usually, I don't get to sit and sip my coffee, I have to gulp it down. So, when I'm frustrated because the baby is screaming when he should be sleeping, I think I have a right. When I decide that I want to go to bed while Dan sits up with the screaming baby, I shouldn't be made to feel guilty. I have no break from these kids so I have a right to get frustrated. I don't have the luxury of going to a daily job. Now I know my plan was always to be a stay at home mom. I'm glad I am, I love my kids, even with the fights and time outs and toy stealing and scrapes and bumps and bruises. But I get frustrated. I get tired. I get annoyed. I sometimes feel trapped. I sometimes question why I chose this life. I don't want criticism, I want some support. I want an offer to cook dinner once in a while, or clean a bathroom without being asked.

Well, that was a hell of a rant. Can you tell I'm ready to pull my hair out? That I need some sleep. A little support when I'm feeling low and frustrated would be nice too.

One Month (a day late!)

So yesterday marked Nolan's 1 month birthday! Can you believe it? I can't. It honestly seems like he was born last week!! I hate how fast time is flying by. It's so sad that babies don't stay babies for very long. He's changed so much in the past month. We've completely stopped trying to nurse. Completely. I can say now I hate breastfeeding. I have no problem pumping and feeding him, so that's a good thing. He's still getting the all important breast milk, just not from my breast. No biggie! He's happy, I'm happy. Life is good!

This little bug is still not a super fantastic sleeper. I guess my ideas of a good sleeper are a little off because Spencer and Liam were both formula babies so they slept longer right off the bat. Spencer was a 5 hour stretch sleeper right from the day he came home from the hospital. Liam started sleeping in 5 hour stretches at about 2 weeks. Nolan. Well Nolan is a 2.5-3 hour stretch. Last night he blessed us with a 3.5 hour stretch, however that is definitely not the 'norm'.

The big boys are still head over feet in love with their new baby brother! Liam was really cranky for the first week or so we were home from the hospital, but he's over it now! He loves to help feed, change and love on the baby!! I love watching how excited he is to see the baby!! Spencer is sooo fantastic with Baby Nolan. He'll sit and talk to Nolan for quite a while, he gives him his suckie when he's fussing, he brings diapers and all kinds of things he thinks will help keep the babe happy. He's always wanting to hold Baby Nolan and feed him!! I hope his enthusiasm continues!

A month post birth I'm doing quite well. I'm extremely tired, but that goes with the territory. I'm getting control over my temper again. This is good!! Poor Spencer and Liam dealing with my extreme crabby-ness. The happy is returning to the house and that's a good thing!!

Have We Turned a Corner?

Last night was pure bliss...as far as nights and newborns go. Nolan went to bed last night around 11, Dan and I raced to get ourselves ready for bed and were upstairs happily climbing into the slumber sack about 4 minutes after Nolan was down. Typically Nolan wakes up about 3 seconds after we get into bed so we were completely prepared to be up again immediately. Nope, the darling little munchkin slept until 1!! We got up, Dan changed and fed the baby, I did my best to stay awake while I pumped and we were all back into bed in under a half hour! Success! And, the best part? Nolan went right back to sleep! Nolan was up again at 3, same routine, same outcome! He went right back to sleep!! Awesome! Then he was up at SIX! That's a THREE hour stretch ladies and gentlemen! Can I get a "HELL YAH?" Anyway he ate and then was back to sleep and slept until 9!!! The big boys slept until AFTER 8 so it was an AMAZING night had by all!!! It seems like a switch went off in Nolan yesterday! He was so awake and alert albeit a little crabby yesterday!! He had one decent nap in the morning and then a pretty awesome one in the afternoon, so he was definitely sleepy by bedtime! I'm hoping hoping hoping that he starts to sleep a little bit better from here on out! We tried giving him a little formula last night thinking he'd sleep longer. No dice. As soon as the nipple hit his lips he camped them tight and that was it. Apparently only Mommy's Finest will do for the young lad! Whatever man, as long as he sleeps at night, he can sip on whatever the heck he wants!

So in other news, Nolan started smiling yesterday! OH. MY. GOODNESS. Is there anything that can melt a Mama's heart like her babies first smile? I'm gonna go with NO on that one! I had Nolan laying on my bed while I was digging around finding a sleeper for him to wear. He started to fuss a bit so I went over to talk with him a little and out of nowhere he was smiling the biggest toothless grin EVER! LOVE IT! He continued on in that fashion all day long!! Kid is gonna get whatever he wants in this life. He's the baby of the family, AND he smiles at me like a crazy man! Perfect!

Anyway, he's snoozing on the couch right now and sounds like he may be trying to wake up. Better get up and ready for him!

Happy Friday!

Stretch Marks and Weight Loss

So this might be totally ass backwards and really messed up, but I tend to use my stretchmarks as a gauge to how much weight I'm losing. The more puckered they are, the more weight/surface area is gone. I was noticing this morning as I was hopping into the shower...sadly I had to pass a mirror on my way...ugh! Anyway, I stopped and had a good look. Seems as though my arms are thinning out a little bit. I've noticed that the stretchmarks that are right up near my armpit are getting really puckered. There's also a lot more stretchmarks visible on my inner arm that weren't before, yet another sign that the old tree trunk sized arms are thinning out. The stretchmarks on my arms were so stretched that i couldn't even see them. I hate that my arms have stretchmarks, my legs, my belly (great reasons for those though!) and other areas are all covered in the damn little squigglies. It's awful that I let myself go that far that now as I'm losing weight I'm looking worse in areas than I did when I was supa-fat. I'll take puckered stretch marks over high cholesterol and obesity any day, though! The stretchmarks on my belly don't bother me at all. Those are kinda like my right of passage into motherhood! I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with Spencer, I went to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy and one of the first questions he asked me was about stretchmarks and how I felt about them. Seriously? I told him, if they happen, they happen, if not, then great. No skin off my ass either way! So, I'm proud of my ugly belly because it grew and nurtured 3 beautiful healthy babies. What more could I ask of it?? Really? I should be apologizing to it because the 3 beautiful babies it carried, were HUGE babies!! So, Belly, I'm sorry for stretching you the way I did, I don't hold the squigglies against you, I embrace them, to be honest! I won't go flashing them around to anyone, but they are a constant reminder of what my body did FOR me so I will accept the ugly of my belly, and move on!

Anyway, I'll keep using my stretchmarks as my own messed up weight loss gauge! Just thought I'd share my messed up way of doing things!!

26 Days

Nolan is 26 days old today. In his 26 days on the outside, he's grown a lot! There are several sleepers that he's no longer fitting into, he's able to wear 'real' clothes!! Yesterday he wore little jeans!! Today he wore real khakis! I believe Nolan has his days and nights mixed up, and I'm not too sure how to change that. I keep him up during the day, we make sure he has his bedtime routine set. Bath bottle bed. Still, he's up a lot at night, and at some point every night, he's up for an extended period of time. Out of all three of our kids, Nolan is by far the worst night time sleeper. However, at nearly 4 weeks old, he's the best napper. I'm hoping and praying it stays that way...the napping!! By three weeks both Spencer and Liam started to do short catnaps. Not fun for a really tired Mama! All three kids have been napping this afternoon for 2 hours now. How lovely. I was dozing on the couch when I heard Nolan fuss a little. So, I got up, heated up a bottle of breastmilk, got ready for the babe to be awake and then...NOTHING! The little turd fell asleep again! So, now i have a bottle of 3.5 oz of warmed breastmilk that's going to go to waste if the little darling doesn't wake up really soon!! Frustrating!!!!!

Anyway, now that i've cursed myself saying all three kids were sleeping, I have to go get Liam out of his room because he's now awake. Lovely.

Halloween and a Growth Spurt

The cutest fish and the coolest racecar driver there ever was!!
Lightning McQueen racecar driver

Nemo the singing fish!

Two little boys with their little pumpkins!

So halloween this year was a definite hit! The big boys had lots and lots of fun. Liam ended his night long before Spencer did! He was tired and wanted to sample the candy he'd been collecting, so Spencer and Daddy continued on and hit up a few more houses before calling it quits for the evening. We had hardly any trick or treaters at our house this year. I think somewhere between 6-10...and that might be a generous estimate!! So, needless to say, there's a lot of candy left over!!

Nolan last night, well the little fart was up ever 45 mintues wanting to fill his tank. I'm guessing this was his three week growth spurt! At least I hope it was cause I don't wan this to be the new night time trend!! I can't handle that much night waking!!

H1N1 Vaccine

So yesterday I took Spencer and we went and stood in line for three hours to get the H1N1 vaccine. I was still a little unsure of whether or not I wanted to get it, even while standing in line, but after reading the handout they give everyone, I felt a lot better. I'm still a little uneasy with the fact that there's no long term studies to show if there may be issues down the road, but in a pandemic situation, you need to take on a 'if the benefits outweigh the risks' mentality. Or at least I do. It's definitely a personal decision whether or not you're going to vaccinate yourself, but I felt that it was the right thing for my family. (after 2 hours of standing in line and then receiving the handout!) Dan is going to take Liam on the next clinic day so they can both be vaccinated. We learned yesterday that it's a good thing to be there about an hour before the doors open so as not to endure a ridiculously long wait time!! We also learned that Liam will have to sit in his stroller, and Dan will have to bring lots of snacks and entertainment for him!! This kid hates to sit still, so imagine what a multi-hour wait will do to the kid! It won't be pretty folks!! I can promise you that!

So Nolan last night gave us 2 3 hour stretches of sleep. Before and AFTER his 2 hour play time at 3am. I really need to figure out a way to break him of this habit. But, how do you break a 3 week old babe of any habit? I think all I can really do is let him grow out of it. It's hard though. I'd be fine getting up an extra couple times through the night if it meant that he'd be going back to sleep after each feed!! I'm sure it'll happen sooner or later, but I'm getting impatient!! Extreme fatigue does crazy things to your mind!!

Anyway, almost time to make lunch for the troops!! I was hoping to get out of the house this morning with all three kids to go buy batteries for the baby swing, but, Nolan has been sleeping forever, Liam is super crabby, and Spencer is glued to the cartoons on the TV, so an outing was a no go. This afternoon will be a write off cause the big boys need naps, I'm hoping Nolan has another nap so I can have some quiet time before getting ready to go to work!! I love that even though Nolan is only 3 weeks old, I'm still able to go to work for three hours a week! Granted it's more of a night out with some visiting rather than work, but it's still nice! I don't have to wipe any bums or noses while I'm gone, so that's perfect for me!!

Happy Friday!

3 Weeks

Today at 12:03 Nolan will be three weeks old. This makes me sad. I want him to stay a squishy newborn for a little longer! He's my last newborn so I'm really trying to enjoy every minute with him while he's still so super tiny!! Okay, he's not super tiny, he was born big and just kept on going!!

3 weeks postpartum I'm starting to feel the effects of no sleep. Nolan wakes up to eat every 2 hours at night. The routine is that Dan changes Nolan's little tush while I run down to the kitchen, throw a bottle of BM in the bottle warmer, put together my pumping stuff, bring the bottle upstairs, Dan feeds baby, I pump more milk. That part of the routine works well. The part that sucks is that it's taking anywhere from 15-25 minutes to empty my milk boulders so by the time I get back into bed it's been a half an hour or more. So, when Nolan is waking every 2 hours, and I'm up for at least a half hour every time, that leaves me with maybe an hour and a half of sleep time. Not enough. And on top of that, every night Nolan is up for at least an hour, sometimes 2. Usually around 3 or so he wakes up to eat and then decides he needs to be awake for a while. He's not pissy, just ready to be awake. I have no idea how to change it either. So I'm getting sleep in 1.5 hour intervals, plus a guaranteed 1 hour of hang out with Nolan time through the night. That leaves me with not very much shut eye.

I notice that with this lack of sleep is a lack of patience. I'm very short tempered with the big boys. I hate this and it wears heavily on my conscience. It seems lately my only form of communicating with the big boys is scolding or yelling at them. I'm not focusing enough on little things and praising them for it. I'm sending them both to their rooms or to time out WAY more than they deserve, and I'm yelling far more than I should be. I need to stop this cycle because it's definitely not their fault I'm tired and hormonal. I'm going to really make an effort to be NICER to my kids. Because right now, I'm not being a very nice mom and I hate that. A lot.

So aside from my lack of sleep and bitchiness towards my kids, things are going pretty good. I'm able to keep my house somewhat in order, I haven't had a complete meltdown yet, though I'm sure it's coming. Dan got to work this morning almost on time!! We're slowly starting to fall into a bit of a routine, hopefully it lasts!! Anyone who knows me knows I need routine and order! I'm not good with chaos and 'flying by the seat of my pants' kind of lifestyle. I'm a planner, an organizer and a scheduler, so you can imagine what the chaos of a newborn does to my world!

Well, time to put Liam down for a morning nap, a diaper full of poop and a 7am start to his day are not going well for him so far!! hopefully a nap can turn his day around!

So the little baby boy we brought home from the hospital, the baby boy who was so content and slept no problem...He's gone. He left behind this adorable little baby boy who needs to be held, needs to have a suckie held in his mouth, won't sleep more than 2 hours at a time (at night) if he sleeps at all, has a pretty decent little temper on him, and spits up. A lot. It's a good thing he's as cute as he is, because at 3 o'clock this morning he was about 3 seconds from being moved into the shed. Nothing would make him happy or sleepy. He just wanted to be super snuggled with a suckie firmly held in his mouth. While I certainly love to snuggle my littlest baby (and my bigger ones too!!) I don't really want to do it at 3 o'clock in the morning for 3 or so hours. Seriously, I have my limits. I know he's still super fresh, not even three weeks old, but jeez, I'm tired man!! This little boy of mine also has an insatiable appetite. He's never satisfied. I can give him 3 oz of pumped breast milk, or 4, and he's still wanting more. I try to limit him to about 3 ish because he just throws it all up if he eats more. Also, he no longer enjoys being swaddled. We learned this on Thursday night. He had a near panic attack when we swaddled him up before bed. So, off came the swaddle blanket and the happy returned to the little man. However short lived it was.

Spencer and Liam on the other hand are doing really well. Liam seems to be settling down a little bit. He definitely needs some serious one on one time during the day. He got about an hour and a half, almost 2 hours of one on one time with mommy today. It did us both good!! He's a completely different boy when there's no one else around! Spencer has been needing naps every afternoon for the past few weeks. Apparently he's just as tired as his mommy and daddy are! It's hard work having a newborn in the house!

Anyway, Nolan is about to go to bed, so that means I'm about to go to bed!! Only to be back up again in 2 hours or less. Ahh the joys of a fresh fresh newborn!

What a Night

Wow! So last night we learned that if Nolan is not swaddled in an actual swaddle blanket that velcros closed, he will not sleep. At. All. He was swaddled in a regular blanket, but that, apparently, wasn't good enough. As soon as he had a taste of the velcroed security of the Kiddopotamus swaddle blanket, there was no looking back. I sat in the chair in our room last night ALL night holding Nolan while he dosed a little here and there, but didn't actually get into a deep sleep. He did toot his little cheeks off last night so that also may have had something to do with it. I suppose that means I have to be a little more careful about what I eat so that it doesn't end up giving Nolan's little belly gas bubbles. Anyway, Nolan is all swaddled up and sleeping like a baby!! Hopefully he sleeps tonight, because my goodness I'm exhausted!! No more all nighters, please!

Some pictures of the different men in my life!! They're definitely a handsome bunch!

The Thackeray Men

So pumping and feeding isn't a big deal. Except that I feel like I don't get to hold Nolan anymore. We're going to try nursing today and see what happens. Maybe a miracle?! We'll see. I won't hold my breath. I can't keep up with how much he wants/needs to satisfy himself. We've been supplementing with formula again, something I really really didn't want to do. But the kid needs to eat, so there's nothing I can do. He's still getting more breast milk than formula, so that's a good thing, but still. I want him to be getting all breast milk and nothing else. It'll happen, eventually. I know I'm still establishing my milk supply and all that, but holy god, the boy loves him some booby milk!!!

So we've been home for a whole week as of today!! And, Nolan is 10 days old today!! It really makes me so sad!!! I loooove the squishy tiny newborn phase, and it doesn't last nearly long enough. He's starting to stay awake for much longer periods of time, he's kinda falling into somewhat of a routine at night. He's the most easy going baby we've ever brought into our home! He's so content to just hang out and listen to all the sounds around him. He looks around lots and really responds to his mama's voice!! I love that the most!! He'll lift his head and try to find me if someone else is holding him and i start talking!! Melt my heart little boy!!

We had my mom here for the past week helping out!! It was nice to have dinner cooked for us and someone to play with the big boys!! It's funny how different it becomes with each baby you bring home!! With Spencer, we needed my mom to help us with EVERYTHING! Diaper changes, baths, feedings, swaddling (still need her help with this, I'm useless!!) With Liam, we still needed help with a lot of the day to day, but not as extensively as with Spencer! With Nolan, I needed help with the big boys, and hardly at all with the baby!! It was nice to just have someone here to visit with, or to look after the big boys if I needed to sleep a little. Speaking of sleep, I haven't hit my wall yet, I'm sure it's coming in the next week or so, but I've been feeling pretty good! It's hard to get out of bed in the morning, but then again, when isn't it? Once I'm up, though, I'm pretty good to go! There's enough to do around here that I don't have time to really sit and get tired, so that's a blessing in disguise I think!!!

So Spencer is completely smitten with his newest baby brother! He loves on him like crazy!! Loves to just look at him! He holds him, and sings to him, brings him different toys, you name it!! Liam is pretty curious, likes to look at him, touch him and get to know him in his own way. He's acting out a bit, but not towards anyone, he's just really crabby pretty much all the time. I think it's just his way of adjusting. We've been really working on keeping Spencer and Liam on their regular schedule so that their little lives aren't totally turned upside down!! I don't think it'll take too long for things to settle down here and Liam to return to his normal happy self!! Spencer seems completely fine with the newest addition, so that's a good thing! I'll just have to make sure I'm not as hard on him as I have been this past week. He is only 3 after all. I need to just let him act his age!!! I've been raising my voice a lot more than I really care to admit to in the last week! I need to stop it before it becomes habit.

Anyway, time to go eat some breakfast!! I'm starving!

The Post where all i do is complain.

So my plan all through my pregnancy was to pump my breast milk and then bottle feed Nolan. I've been nursing full time since he was born, but am now having some super problems with his latch. Suddenly my plan to pump and feed isn't working for me. I'm having a hard time accepting that maybe breastfeeding directly from my breast isn't the route for me. But, why after a week of fantastic latching is he having such problems. On top of latch issues, he isn't a very effective sucker. His suckle on my right breast is, well, frankly, it sucks! I don't know if it's me getting lazy, or him getting lazy, but its driving me crazy. I spent over an hour last night trying to get him to latch properly on the one side. To say it was frustrating is a gross understatement. I don't care what other people say, but to me this breastfeeding thing is not natural. It's bloody hard and in my experience doesn't really work out. With Spencer I had gaping oozing nipples that took weeks to heal. I bet if I had gone to the doctor about them I could have had stitches they were so bad. With Liam, he started off great and then just got lazy and started to have latch problems about 2 weeks into the game. Nolan, started off better than great and just in the past few days has completely crapped out. I am pumping a good deal of milk and he is getting a bottle of breast milk at night rather than the boob...it's faster and he goes to sleep better...so I shouldn't be having such horrible issues with not actually physically nursing him. Yet I am. I guess it just falls into the wanting what you can't have. The bottom line is that he needs to get the breast milk, and if it's through a bottle nipple rather than a breast nipple, than so be it. I guess I'm just thinking that if we're out and about (rarely happens) it'd be so much easier to just pop a boob in his mouth rather than dealing with finding somewhere to heat a bottle and give it to him.

Okay, so I have a new bitch. I just got off the phone with Medela Canada. You cannot order breast pump parts off their website. Stupid? YES. The very incompetent ESL woman I spoke with was so friggen hard to understand I had a hard time being civil with her. Seriously, is it that hard to have people who you can understand working your call center? It's over the phone, I can't read her lips and figure out what she's saying. I don't know how many times i had her repeat herself. Stupid. Anyway, to order 2 larger breast shields for my pump, shields that were 8 bucks a piece, I had to pay THIRTY dollars in shipping costs. Are you effing kidding me? Seriously. SERIOUSLY. She happily directed me to the 'closest store that sells medela parts' Three hours down the friggen highway. Yeah, no thanks lady, just send me the shields, and rob me blind while you're at it. Sound good? Good. Anyway, my new shields should be arriving in 3-4 business days, so that means I have a good week still of pumping with shields that are a little too small and end up dripping everywhere cause I can't fit my nipple in the way I need to. Lotsa fun.

I don't think breastfeeding, or anything related is right for me. But, I don't want to be buying formula so I'll persevere and get the job done. Like right now, need to pump or my boobs are going to explode. And that's a mess I'd rather not clean. Thankyouverymuch.

All right, done my bitching for the day.

He is Here!!

Baby Nolan Francis Thackeray came into this world on Thursday, October 8th 2009. He weighed in at a whopping 8 lbs 12 oz and measured 19 inches long! He's the perfect blend of his mama and daddy, and his two older brothers are completely in love with him!!! The c-section went really well!! They had to work hard to get him out, but other than that, no complaints!! I'm healing really super great, minimal pain...lots of swelling in my legs though!! So now, how about a few pictures?

Anyway, I hear Liam singing in his room. Apparently he's too cool for nap time today!! Gonna go see if I can convince him that napping is totally the cool thing to do!!

24 (ish) Hours!

Baby Nolan will be making his debut sometime tomorrow morning!!! Can't wait!!! I will admit, i'm starting to get nervous, but I'm really really excited!! It's time for this bean to be on the outside! Last night was my worst night yet as far as comfort goes. My tummy 'muscles' were aching all night long, I had a REALLY hard time getting out of bed to go pee! Seriously, it was awful!! I did sleep pretty deeply for a few hours, so that was a bonus, but alas, I was still awake at 5:30am. Not cool. I got out of bed at 6:30 and am now enjoying some quiet time before the house wakes up!! I doubt I'll get a morning like this for a LONG time!! That's okay though! I'll manage, I always do!! Anyway, gonna go get me a cuppa joe and enjoy these last few minutes of peace and quiet!!

6 Days

and baby Nolan will be here! I can hardly wait. In the past week i've really started to feel uncomfortable. I'm still sleeping well, so that's definitely a blessing!! The kids have been really good, playing well together!! I'm enjoying the minimal fighting and bickering! Now I just need to figure out how to get Spencer to start sleeping a full night again. He's been going to bed at his regular time, playing for an hour or so in his room, and then waking up before the sun. Thankfully he just comes upstairs to our room and climbs into bed, but it'd be nice if he just climbed back into his OWN bed and went back to sleep for a few hours! As soon as one kid is up, the other wakes up immediately. So, a few extra hours of sleep in the morning wouldn't be too bad! But, we'll take what we can get!

We got the bassinet on Tuesday and got it all set up immediately! I love it. The wood has a much redder tone to it than I thought, but it's still nice! It fits nicely in the corner, though I'm sure we'll be moving it/Nolan into the closet! If my dad has time when he gets here for the whopping day and a half before we go into the city, (Yeah, kinda pissed about this!!) I'm going to get his help on determining whether or not we can move the closet organizer to the other side of the closet, giving us almost twice the space! We'll see how well I sleep with Nolan out in our room. It really is a big room, so it might not be an issue at all!! Time will tell!

Liam has been really clingy for the past few weeks. I'm wondering if he knows life is about to seriously change in this house!! It's going to be really really REALLY difficult not to pick him up after surgery! He's a boy who likes to ride around on the hips of his Mama and Daddy!! No question about that!!

Spencer I think is going to be just fine. He's so super excited for baby Nolan to get here! He asks every day if today is the day!! He loves loves loves babies, so I'm hoping that'll help him transition into having 2 younger brothers to play with!! We'll see what happens!!! Hopefully the novelty doesn't wear off!

Anyway, time to put a super grumpy/tired little Liam to bed!! One nap a day isn't going so well!

LAZY Day

Man oh man have I been tired today!! Thank god the kids were happy and played well together!! Liam had little to no melt downs. A rare thing for sure! He woke up happy, though tired, had a short morning nap, woke up happy, had a slightly longer afternoon nap, woke up happy and was happy happy until bed time! I love it when it's like that. Spencer woke up happy. Had his usual melt down over taking off his night time pull-up. Then was good for the rest of the day He did get sent to his room at one point for throwing a HUGE fit over getting dressed. I've decided that he's old enough to learn how to take off his clothes and put new ones on. Of course it's a learning process and he's still just figuring things out. He had a huge huge huge meltdown over putting his socks on. I don't know if it's the age, or that he's seemingly becoming a perfectionist. But holy cow, they're socks!! We got over it, he did eventually get dressed, and things returned to normal!! Thank goodness!!

So as of tomorrow morning I have 9 day until Baby Nolan is here!! I can't wait! The bassinet is in tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to setting that up and then all we have to do is get a damn swing and we're good to go! I'm still feeling bad for not having a 'nursery' proper to bring him home and put him into, but I guess things change when it's the third baby. Sleep is a top priority and I know if Spencer and Liam were to share a room, there would be NO sleeping. Liam likes to play before he crashes for the night. Spencer likes to look through all his books with the aid of a rather bright night light. I think...scratch that...I KNOW that it would be an all night part if they were together. We're hoping for Christmas at the earliest to get them sharing a room. But, like it was with the crib to bed transition for Liam, I'm not pushing anything. If he takes until the spring, then he takes until the spring. I just hope it isn't that long! I don't sleep well with babies right in my room. I'm always worried that I'm going to wake them up! But, there's always the closet if I need to move Nolan 'out' of the room, but still keep him near! Make sense?! Sure.

Anyhow, kids are in bed, not sleeping but at least contained in their rooms, so I'm gonna go hit the couch and turn off my brain and turn ON the TV! Night

No More Bottles

So Liam is officially off of bottles. It took us waaay longer to get him off them than it did with Spencer. Spencer was around 11 months when he ditched the little suckers. Liam proved to be a bit of a challenge. But it's been a week and he's doing really well!! He did have a pretty major meltdown when I got the bin out that holds all the little baby bottles to get ready for Nolan. I gave Liam a bottle that wasn't at all like the ones he likes, you know, to play with. He took it from me, walked to the fridge and tried to pull it open. I'm assuming to get some milk. That kid is definitely smarter than we give him credit for! He was none too impressed when I firmly told him NO. No milk in a bottle. I did offer him some in a sippy, but it of course, wasn't good enough. He got over it quick enough though!!

Spencer has finally started eating. It's like a switch was flipped and suddenly he's a huge fan of a full belly. The only meal we could ever get him to eat was breakfast. He had a serious problem with Supper and was touch and go with Lunch. He's good with all three now!! He does treat meal time like a race, so he's a bit messy, but I'll take the mess if it means he'll eat more than chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese!! He even ate zuccini the other day!! What a kid! We were all so proud! I've been forcing him to eat more fruit in the past few days too. He's discovered that he likes apples because they...and I quote..."taste wike a watermewon". Hey man...whatever floats your boat!! Liam of course gobbles up anything you put in front of him!! I love it!

I got some more organizing done today in preparation for baby Nolan's arrival. Got out all the baby blankets and put them on the change table shelf. Started packing a hospital bag. Steam cleaned the carpets...again!! I just want it spick and span in here for when we bring him home! I know cleaning is not going to get done the way I like it to be done until I'm recovered and somewhat back in my groove, so if I can get some serious cleaning and decluttering done before I go into the hospital, than things should be just fine!!! I'm slowly learning to let go a little and let Dan clean how HE cleans. I gotta give him credit, he does a fantastic job. I just can't watch because it's not how *I* would do it! But I'm sure that's the case for a lot of people out there!

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired. And Liam hasn't been sleeping that great at night, so off to bed to get some sleep!!! Night all!

13 Days!

13 Days until little Nolan makes his arrival!! I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am about this! Every day, every minute it seems, I'm getting more and more uncomfortable. Yesterday I think I may have overdone it a little bit. But. I need to get things done, so that's the way it is. I did take a break in the afternoon and made cookies. I even made myself sit at the kitchen table while I scooped the dough onto the cookie sheets!! Both kids napped really well yesterday so it was nice to have some time in the afternoon to do something other than clean up toys!! So yesterday I started off by super cleaning my kitchen. You know how things just seem to get dirtier and dirtier over time? Yes, the kitchen is cleaned daily...multiple times a day in fact. But it's the corners and the cupboards that seem to get cluttered and really messy. I corrected that yesterday. I know it won't last, but it makes me feel good that things are looking a little less disorganized. I also got out all the little 4oz baby bottles, washed them, boiled nipples and such and organized Nolan's little cupboard. I cleaned all the parts of the breast pump. Cleaned the milk storage bottles, had a good think about whether or not I really need the breast milk bags. Decided to keep them because my goal is to be able to pump LOTS of milk for my little guy. So hopefully I'll have an awesome stockpile of milk. I don't plan to actually breastfeed this little man....I don't really care for breastfeeding, however I have no issue with pumping and feeding. So, that's my plan. It was my plan with Liam too but the electric breast pump came in a little late...or at least I thought so. I thought I was drying up and not able to produce enough milk. I'm thinking now if I had just kept at it, my milk supply would have increased again. But, that's neither here nor there. Liam is healthy so who cares!! ANYWAY, I also had Dan come home from work and bring in the shop vac for me so I could suck up all the cat filth under the stairs. We keep their litter boxes and food and such under the stairs...it's pretty big under there!! It was getting really really really gross. I had vacuumed it a little while ago, but I used the house vac and learned quickly that wasn't a good idea...hence the shop vac this time! So I spent a good 45 minutes sucking up littler and food crumbs! It looks so clean under there now. Just have to keep up with it! I also cleaned the hell out of the laundry room. Did some minor rearranging and some major vacuuming. I love the shop vac! with 4 cats and a dog, the animal hair is going to pile up. I usually keep up with it fairly well...its part of my self diagnosed OCD! Anyway, the laundry room is looking pretty spiffy this morning!! I had Dan take out all the fans to the shed, a dresser that was annoying me, some exercise equipment and other random things that I felt did need to be in the house. I'm sure I'll have more for him to do when he gets home from work today! Poor guy, he was beat last night! He expects this from me though, so I don't feel too bad! haha So on today's agenda I'm going to try and use up the bananas that are turning on the counter and make some muffins. I'm going to do the laundry, clean clean clean my upstairs living room. Think about steam cleaning the carpets one last time and then go to work late this afternoon!! Lets see how far I get today. I'm feeling pretty sore today from all my cleaning yesterday, but that's fine. Gotta get it done!!

Happy Friday!

cute, huh?

He's not bad either!

15 Sleeps!

Mr. Nolan will be arriving in 15 sleeps. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. I've been having mild contractions on and off, mostly when i'm moving about. I am uncomfortable when I'm sitting, standing or laying down. I'm dog tired, i'm incredibly INCREDIBLY cranky. My poor husband. And kids. I had a chat with my beloved doctor yesterday at my 2nd last prenatal appointment EVER...scary. The scare of last week with the accelerated heart rate was not a scare at all, afterall! It was nice to talk to Dr. Fantastic and hear from someone who knows what they're doing that everything was perfectly fine. Nolan is well, I just had a wicked terrible cold that was giving me aches and pains ALL over. Good thing that's gone now! Anyway, next wednesday is my last ever prenatal appointment, then the wednesday following I'll be doing all my pre-admin at the hospital and then on Thursday I'll be showing up bright and early getting all IV'd and such and having a baby!! OOooo I can't wait. But on some level I can. I don't feel ready. I haven't been hardcore baby nesting yet. On and off a bit, but nothing insane. I still don't have the bassinet...should be here in a week. I need to reorganize the change table again. It's no longer working for me. Still need to prepare a few easy pop in the oven meals and such. I know it'll all come together, but it just seems that i'm leaving everything to the last minute this time. Soooo not like me.

On a completely unrelated note, Liam is starting to say a few words here and there!! He says "Cheese" he tries to say 'plane' , 'bear', 'key', 'quack' and he says 'Papa' (Grandpa). This is how it started with Spencer, and it just snowballed into a full blown vocab in a few months. It's so cute hearing Spencer say to Liam "Weeam saaay PENCER" hahaha all in time!

Anyway, kids are in bed, i'm taking advantage and going to bed before 11 tonight!! woooo go me!

Accident Prone

Spencer and Liam are so incredibly accident prone these past few days. Yesterday Spencer fell and split his lip open but didn't come out of his room to tell me. When he did come out his face was covered with dried blood but he kept telling me it was jam on his face. I have no idea why he was scared to tell me that he had hurt himself. Possibly because he did it while doing something he knows very well that he's not supposed to be doing. I only happened to notice the wound in the inner part of his bottom lip because he was looking up at me talking. I think it looked worse than it actually was. He ate a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, so it couldn't have hurt too bad!

Today, Liam split his lip open. He was hauling his little people bus into his room and tripped over his little people boat. He only cried for a second...thank god for the power of his teddy bear! And a banana. Boy oh boy can this boy eat bananas. They're his comfort food I think. If he's sad or hurt he always wants a banana, his bear and a good snuggle!! Man I love this kid!!

That's all for today! Off to enjoy the cool rainy weather!!! And yes, I'm serious!

Breakfast

What happens when you give a 17 month old little boy toast topped with Nutella for breakfast?

This.

It took me a full 10 minutes to clean him off enough to be able to move him to the bathroom to be able to FINISH cleaning him off. He managed to get the chocolatey goodness between his TOES! No clue how he managed that. He had this stuff in his hair, on his arms, feet, all over his face, some in his mouth, I'm not sure how much though! Anyway, the point of it all, he really really enjoyed his little morning treat!

Please Stay Home

So I have a cold. A horrible horrible, don't need this at the end of my pregnancy kind of cold. Much like the one I had at the end of my pregnancy with Liam. And at the end of my pregnancy with Spencer. Not Fun! Anyway, this cold is really super especially pissing me off. Why? Because my husband caught it from a coworker. Why does this piss me off? I'll tell you why. The company that my husband works for has spent a LOT of time and money preparing pandemic response plans, sending out fancy glossy lamintaed memos via registered mail to EVERY EMPLOYEE stating that if you so much as have a cold...DO NOT COME INTO WORK. No one adheres to this. I won't let Dan go to work when he's sick. Why? Because there are other employees who are either pregnant, have small children or whatever. I don't want him to be responsible for getting them sick. Fortunately for almost every employee in this company, they have the ability to work from home. So, if you're really that behind on work, take it home with you. Be sick there, and don't infect the rest of the office, and the rest of the office's families. My health, the health of my children and husband is far more important. And aside from that, I won't be baking any more goodies and bringing them in if you insist on hauling your sickly self to work and spreading your germs.

Blah Blah Blah

Okay, so I've been nesting like crazy these past few days. We don't have an actual nursery put together for Nolan, just space in our room. We still need a bassinet. I'm waiting for the one I want to go on sale, though I'm losing faith that it will. We did buy a dresser, I did fill it up with baby clothes, I organized the change table, bought newborn diapers, and other toiletries. I hate how miss matched my bedroom looks like right now. But that's me, I like things to match!! I think I may have even blogged about it before. All the baby furniture we own is the lite birch wood stuff. The bassinet I want is the really dark black/brown wood that our bed is. Since he's only going to be in the bassinet in our room, I felt that it should match our furniture. As for his change table and new dresser, I knew it had to match the other baby furniture we have, because when we do finally get a room set up for him, it needs to all match in there. Why? Because I'm insane. That's why. This weekend I think we're going to take the plunge and get Liam sleeping in the toddler bed. I find with him we're so much more lenient than we were with Spencer. We tend to let things slide a lot more. I know it's because this kid can have you on your knees in seconds with the way he cries. He doesn't just whine cry or whimper, no not Liam. He cries with a broken heart. Every. Single. Time. I'm sure he does it cause he knows that he gets what he wants! So I guess it`s time Dan and I put on our parenting pants and crack down on Liam's behaviors. bottom line, we`re the parents, he`s the child. We shouldn't be adhering to his schedule. He should be following our rules and time lines. So there. Mr. Liam. Your time has come. It`s time that you start acting like a lovely little boy, stop breaking mama and daddy`s hearts with your cry and get sleeping in the big boy bed. Once that`s done, we`ll have to start working on getting him and Spencer to share a room. God only knows how that`s going to go!! Liam snores, Spencer wakes up scared of the monster when they are in the same room. Wish us luck!

Anyway, I`m now done my long, direction-less rambling post! Happy Friday!

Some People

Some people should really think about the term "responsible pet owner" before they go out and buy that cute little puppy. Last night a happy looking little family (mom, dad, 2 kids) were walking their cute little puppy in front of our house. Fine and dandy. Dogs need excercise. Kids need excercise, so do moms and dads. But. When you take your dog for a walk in an urban area...yes I just referred to my tiny somewhat dirty little town as an 'urban aread'. Sue me. Anyway when walking your dog in a populated area, you should think about the term responsible pet ownership. This includes feeding and watering, walking, loving, training etc. What it also includes is bringing with you a plastic bag to pick up your dog's fecal deposits. This happy little family that was walking their dog last night proceeded to let their dog crap on my front lawn, and then walk away as if nothing happened. Are you freaking kidding me??? This was made even better by the fact that Dan was standing in our living room window WATCHING this happen. So being the sometimes assertive man he is, he walked out onto the front walkway and asked in a loud and athouritative voice "Are you going to pick that up?" (the family was already three houses down). The father then guiltily replied "uhhh yeah..." so he then SENDS HIS WIFE back to our lawn with a KLEENEX to pick up the dog crap. Classy guy I tell you. Classy guy!

But seriously, some people need just need to give their head a shake. My lawn is not the perfectly manicured lawn you see some places. But, it's neat and tidy, no garbage and certainly no dog crap. Even my back yard, where my dog in fact craps daily, is not full of dog crap. It gets scooped up nightly. My kids play on my front and back lawns. I really don't need them playing in fecal matter. Since when is it okay to let your dog poop on strangers lawns and then quickly walk away as if nothing ever happened. Some people.

Brain Farts

I had a few good posts I was working on in my head over the past three days. Now that I'm sitting here with my brand spanking new computer in my lap, I can't think of anything to post about!! How crappy is that? I don't even remember the subjects on which I was going to post about. My mind has gone blank! Too bad cause I do know these head posts were rather entertaining. now you just get to sit here and read about my absent mind!! Lucky you!

Okay, i'll stop with the rambling, and perhaps i'll be back to post something with slightly more substance later tonight!! But, probably not. I have one sick kid, and one clingy kid, and one kid still in utero who's beating the hell out of me! So more than likely I'll just be going to bed after the children are sleeping and the house is clean. but never you worry, I will be back at some point. With nothing to say. just to bore you to tears. again.

how's that for a rambling mindless post?! not too bad if I do say so myself!

Oh The Excitement!

So, this week has been a bit of a doozy!! Seems as though both boys have come down with the Rotavirus. We had puke and runny poop on tuesday, wednesday things seemed to be looking up. Though not that far up!! Wednesday night was a rough one for Liam. He puked at about 3:30 in the morning and must have scared himself badly because we had a hell of a time getting him to go back to bed!! He was so tired. Just laying on me trying his hardest to stay awake but if I tried to lay him in his crib, he'd scream this terrified scream. poor little turd. He finally passed out for a few hours. Meanwhile, we had Spencer trying multiple times to sneak into our bed. I should have known something was up because he very rarely does this. Anyway, first thing Thursday morning, he puked all over the kitchen floor. At least he had to the sense to puke on the kitchen floor and not the carpet!! What a good little man! Anyhow, he really starting going downhill after that puke. He was completely listless laying on the couch. He couldn't hold his head up, couldn't keep his eyes open, was barely able to respond if you talked to him. He had NO colour. And I mean seriously NO COLOUR. He lips were grey, his skin was white. It was awful! I phoned the clinic here and arranged to bring him in immediately. Doc checked him out, discovered he's super duper constipated, and had an irregular heart beat. EXCUSE ME?? Yeah, scared me pretty good. He sent us home with instructions to pump as much pedialyte into him that we could get. So we did. He started perking up around mid afternoon and today has been back to himself. We went into the hospital this morning so the Doc could check him. Everything is normal!! They even hooked him up to the ECG machine for a little bit just to make doubly sure that his little heart was beating as it should be. He loved the 'stickers' that the nurse put on his chest and was very happy to lay there while she stuck him all up with stickers and wires!! He was even more excited when she told him he could keep the stickers and take them home!!! He had them all peeled off by the time we pulled into the driveway!! haha So anyway, today has started off much better than yesterday. We're taking it easy, sipping on pedialyte mixed with apple juice, eating toast and soda crackers! We might get a little wild and have soup for lunch!!! Happy Friday!

Nolan Francis Thackeray

Houston...we have a name!!! After the shock of a third boy wore off...and the excitement of the 3D ultrasound, we've finally come up with a name that we love!! Francis is my Dad's middle name, and really the only name we considered that sounded good and 'went with' our other children's names!! I can't wait for this little peanut to be here!! Though if he's anything like my other babies, he's not going to be 'little'!! I give birth to half grown men, no lie!! I have yet to buy the bassinet/cradle for our room. Liam is still sleeping in his crib, and I've more or less abandoned any plans to move him to a 'big boy bed' at this point. Bottom line, the kid is NOT good with change. So I'll let him dictate (to a certain extent) when he's ready. And besides, our master bedroom is HUGE so a cradle and change table in there aren't going to be taking much space! AND, as ridiculous as it sounds, I can always turn our walk in closet into a pseudo nursery. So for the time being, there will be no newborn nursery in our house. Not sure how I feel about THAT, but I'm not willing to move Spencer into a basement bedroom, and I don't think the older boys are ready to share a room. So poor little Nolan gets the short end of the stick and take the closet as a bedroom!!

Free Years Owed

Spencer is officially three years old...or if you ask him. Free Years Owed. I cannot believe he's three already. I remember his early days and thinking oh my god I can't wait until he's a little bigger, and can talk and sleep through the night. Now I find myself thinking OH MY GOD why did we teach him how to talk??? This kid is such a super chatter box! He talks to himself when he's playing, he talks non stop to his daddy and me, he talks to and for his brother. He talks to the tv, to strangers, to anyone/anything that has ears. It's C R A Z Y!! But I love him. Holy man do I love him!!! He's the sweetest most compassionate little man I know! He always has a hug ready for you, tells you he 'wuvs you' without being told first. He has a great imagination, can carry on pretty awesome conversations...has a knack for dropping an f-bomb (whoops!!) here and there...though he's mostly stopped that in the past week or so!! THis kid who belongs to me is amazing!!! I can't wait to see what the next free years bring!!

Busy Busy

This weekend was busy for me. It started slow, almost stopped but then I found my groove. Thursday (we had a five day weekend...I made Dan take Thursday and Friday off so that we could have an EXTRA long weekend!!) anyway, I had to go to the lab for my gestational diabetes testing. I'm positive I failed, and I'm even more positive that the idiots who work in the lab here had no flippen clue what they were doing. Right on my req it said to fast for 2-3 hours before doing the test. Okay, fine. So I go into the lab first thing in the morning and they tell me...nope you have to go eat something and come back in an hour. Are you freakin kidding me?? Seriously. So I did. I had a bagel and a coffee. Then they gave me that god awful drink and made me wait the standard 60 minutes before taking my blood. So, when I go next monday for my prenatal appointment, I won't be surprised when they say "your blood glucose levels are a little higher than we like". I will be rather annoyed, however.

Anyway, Friday I worked in the evening. I decided to be a martyr and not take a nap that day...BIG mistake! I was sooo incredibly bagged by the time I went to work I don't know how I didn't fall asleep!! I don't really even remember what we did during the day on friday. Lovely eh? Nothing that I wanted to get done got done, I do know that. But that's usually the case around here.

Saturday I was having sensitive nose issues so I got out of bed WAY TOO EARLY because I'd decided in my crazy pregnant state that Dan just stunk way too much for me. HAH! Anyway, I got up, had some coffee, snuggle time with Liam and then started making breakfast. I made Spencer go wake Dan up when he got up...8am!!! So Dan got up and was grumpy as hell!! Guess it sucks being woken up by an ALMOST 3 year old!! haha I ended up going back to bed around 10:30 and slept until almost 2!! I have been SOOOOO tired lately it's almost scary!! I could sleep around the clock if I was able!!

Sunday I painted our bedroom!! I decided that the blue I had painted in March was disgusting and had to go. So I painted the same colours as I did in the spare room!! As soon as I find some bedding I like it's going to look sooo nice up there!! The paint looks fantastic and makes the rather large room seem a little more cozy! Always a good thing!

Spencer and Liam had a great weekend being able to spend so much time with Daddy!!! Liam is VERY attached to his daddy so it's always a good thing when he can spend all day with him!! He just wants to be in daddy's arms all the time!! I think it's adorable!

Okay, well that was a longish and super boring post! Gonna go lay on the couch now for a much needed break! ta ta!

Not Much Goin On 'Round Here

Other than it being INSANELY hot. Hot and pregnant do NOT mix. Seriously. All I've been thinking about is how I can come up with a spare 3 grande to get central air conditioning installed in my house. We went for a walk last night and I saw two houses with the air conditioner unit sitting outside. I almost turned green with envy. It has been so friggen hot in here I haven't cooked in over a week, I haven't cleaned. I've done nothing but the absolute minimum. The kids have been in the kiddie pool every day for the past week. Our water bill is going to be insane because of the number of times we've had to empty, clean and refill the kid pool.

So, as you can see, it's been pretty boring around here. Liam has started vocalizing a lot more in the past few weeks. I wish he'd just pop out a word here and there. It's still just noises. He's definitely telling you something when he does this, but still, a 'mommy' or 'daddy' here and there would be so nice!!!

Anyway, that's it for now. It's supposed to be really hot again today, so I have big plans of hanging out in my basement and doing NOTHING other than playing with kidlets and changing bums when needed.

Wood

Floors!! We're going to the floor store today to get some prices on installing wood flooring in our house!! This is exciting folks!! I do love vacuuming, but it's becoming insane. I cannot keep up. Three times a day, every day and you'd think I didn't even own a sophisticated carpet sucking machine if you saw my carpet. It's embarassing. Sooo the solution? HARDWOOD BABY!! I'm hoping to not spend any more than three thousand...but we'll see. We do know that we want real hardwood, not laminate, so we know the cost is going to be substantial. But, it's cleaner, it boosts resale, it keeps it's value and it looks nice!! I'm very very VERY excited! I took measurements today, with my trusty 3 year old helper! He's VERY good at holding the end of the tape measure for me!! haha and Soooo happy to help out! We're looking at about 300-ish square feet of coverage. Not a huge space, but still, it's not going to be cheap!! It's funny because when we were house hunting a lot of fairly nice houses didn't even make it onto our short list because of the wood/laminate floors. Now, it's all I can think about! Go figure! We had them in the old house, but they were the cheaper engineered kind and super glossy and kinda tacky now that I think about it!! I did have a quick look yesterday and found a few finishes that I really liked, that were low sheen and already looked slightly distressed. So, when I'm going to have three boys running around, pristine floors aren't really an option...slightly distressed is though! haha anyway, off to see how many kids I have to sell to get new floors in my house!! ta ta!

Some Pictures

A few pictures from out trip to my Dad's house. There's more, but I don't feel like adding them! hah!