Colic

Hello, my name is Michelle, and I have a super colicky baby. Can I take a moment to tell you how much FUN a colicky baby is? I have a baby who screams at the top of his lungs for a minimum of 4 hours a night. A baby who screams in pain and cannot be soothed no matter what we try. I have a baby who is on acid neutralizing medication and an anti-vomiting medication to help him get some relief. I have a baby who sleeps in his bassinet at a pretty steep incline in an effort to help him get some sleep. I have a baby who only wants to be held by his mommy. Not his daddy, not his Grandpa or Nana. He only wants his mommy. I have a baby who right now is miraculously sleeping in his swing, though I'm pretty certain it won't last long. I have a baby who is going for an infant ultrasound next week to make sure there's no underlying cause to his reflux/vomiting/pain/screaming. I have a baby who's mommy needs some help but unfortunately doesn't have any because any family she trusts with her precious babes lives too far away and have responsibilities of their own. I have a baby who is super super super cute, can melt my heart with his big gummy grins, who is loved beyond belief by his big brothers. I have a baby who is 7 weeks old. 49 days old. It makes me sad. My baby is growing WAY too fast. I have a baby who has decided for his mom and dad that there most certainly without a doubt will not be another baby in our family. I think I'm okay with that. I think.

A Rough Go Of It.

It's been crazy around here lately. Nolan is no longer a fan of sleep. Unless, of course, he's being held. And not by just anyone, he needs to be held by me. While I love snuggling my littlest babe, I really do need to be able to put him down at some point. The past 2 nights have been insane. As I've said before, Dan feeds Nolan in the middle of the night while I pump. So Monday night Nolan was in bed at a decent time. 10 o'clock I believe. Anyway he was up at 1:3o to eat. He had his bottle and then when he realized Dan was the one holding him, he flipped right out. So, I got to sit up for a half hour pumping listening to Nolan scream bloody murder. I took Nolan from Dan after I was finished pumping and kept him until 2:30 or 3. He was calm so Dan took over and stayed up with him until 4:30. Nolan was then up at 5:30 to eat. I fed him and he went back to sleep. Last night, Nolan went to bed at 8(!!!) and woke up at 10 to eat. Dan fed him and then Nolan freaked out, again, so I took him downstairs and watched some TV. The little guy was tired so he went back to sleep fairly quickly. Nolan was up at 1:30, Dan fed him, Nolan flipped out. So again, sit upstairs for a half hour pumping while Nolan is downstairs with Dan screaming his head off. I go downstairs and take him from Dan, the kid immediately shuts up. So, I get him to sleep...again, he was tired so he went to sleep again fairly quickly. Nolan got up at 5 to eat...again...same thing. So. this time I got way way WAY frustrated and put him screaming into his bassinet and wheeled him into our master bath, closed the door, closed the door to the bedroom, came downstairs and let him scream himself to sleep. It's getting harder and harder and harder to deal with these friggen outbursts. I have no relief and when I get frustrated I have dan getting mad at me because I'm getting frustrated. Nice. I get absolutely no break whatsoever from these kids. While he is tired, he still gets to go to work and talk to adults, not change diapers, not hear one, two or all three kids screaming on and off all day long. He doesn't have to sit with kids through time outs, he doesn't have to break up fights, divvy up toys, feed, rock and soothe babies, doesn't have to cook, or clean. Doesn't have to sit cooped up in a house wondering when the next time he'll be able to leave. He has a shower every morning, he eats breakfast at a leisurely pace, goes to work before anyone else so he gets quiet time. Me on the other hand, I wake up to at least one kid crying for food, usually all three. I don't get to shower every day. I have to cook three meals a day, every day, I clean clean clean all day every day, I usually get in one phone call to another adult a day but no face to face, I have to break up fights usually every 5 minutes or more, divvy up toys, sit with kids through time outs, make beds, remake beds. Clean the kitchen, reclean the kitchen. Vacuum, vacuum again. Change diapers, wash faces and hands, wipe bums, sometimes I get to eat breakfast, not usually, I don't get to sit and sip my coffee, I have to gulp it down. So, when I'm frustrated because the baby is screaming when he should be sleeping, I think I have a right. When I decide that I want to go to bed while Dan sits up with the screaming baby, I shouldn't be made to feel guilty. I have no break from these kids so I have a right to get frustrated. I don't have the luxury of going to a daily job. Now I know my plan was always to be a stay at home mom. I'm glad I am, I love my kids, even with the fights and time outs and toy stealing and scrapes and bumps and bruises. But I get frustrated. I get tired. I get annoyed. I sometimes feel trapped. I sometimes question why I chose this life. I don't want criticism, I want some support. I want an offer to cook dinner once in a while, or clean a bathroom without being asked.

Well, that was a hell of a rant. Can you tell I'm ready to pull my hair out? That I need some sleep. A little support when I'm feeling low and frustrated would be nice too.

One Month (a day late!)

So yesterday marked Nolan's 1 month birthday! Can you believe it? I can't. It honestly seems like he was born last week!! I hate how fast time is flying by. It's so sad that babies don't stay babies for very long. He's changed so much in the past month. We've completely stopped trying to nurse. Completely. I can say now I hate breastfeeding. I have no problem pumping and feeding him, so that's a good thing. He's still getting the all important breast milk, just not from my breast. No biggie! He's happy, I'm happy. Life is good!

This little bug is still not a super fantastic sleeper. I guess my ideas of a good sleeper are a little off because Spencer and Liam were both formula babies so they slept longer right off the bat. Spencer was a 5 hour stretch sleeper right from the day he came home from the hospital. Liam started sleeping in 5 hour stretches at about 2 weeks. Nolan. Well Nolan is a 2.5-3 hour stretch. Last night he blessed us with a 3.5 hour stretch, however that is definitely not the 'norm'.

The big boys are still head over feet in love with their new baby brother! Liam was really cranky for the first week or so we were home from the hospital, but he's over it now! He loves to help feed, change and love on the baby!! I love watching how excited he is to see the baby!! Spencer is sooo fantastic with Baby Nolan. He'll sit and talk to Nolan for quite a while, he gives him his suckie when he's fussing, he brings diapers and all kinds of things he thinks will help keep the babe happy. He's always wanting to hold Baby Nolan and feed him!! I hope his enthusiasm continues!

A month post birth I'm doing quite well. I'm extremely tired, but that goes with the territory. I'm getting control over my temper again. This is good!! Poor Spencer and Liam dealing with my extreme crabby-ness. The happy is returning to the house and that's a good thing!!

Have We Turned a Corner?

Last night was pure bliss...as far as nights and newborns go. Nolan went to bed last night around 11, Dan and I raced to get ourselves ready for bed and were upstairs happily climbing into the slumber sack about 4 minutes after Nolan was down. Typically Nolan wakes up about 3 seconds after we get into bed so we were completely prepared to be up again immediately. Nope, the darling little munchkin slept until 1!! We got up, Dan changed and fed the baby, I did my best to stay awake while I pumped and we were all back into bed in under a half hour! Success! And, the best part? Nolan went right back to sleep! Nolan was up again at 3, same routine, same outcome! He went right back to sleep!! Awesome! Then he was up at SIX! That's a THREE hour stretch ladies and gentlemen! Can I get a "HELL YAH?" Anyway he ate and then was back to sleep and slept until 9!!! The big boys slept until AFTER 8 so it was an AMAZING night had by all!!! It seems like a switch went off in Nolan yesterday! He was so awake and alert albeit a little crabby yesterday!! He had one decent nap in the morning and then a pretty awesome one in the afternoon, so he was definitely sleepy by bedtime! I'm hoping hoping hoping that he starts to sleep a little bit better from here on out! We tried giving him a little formula last night thinking he'd sleep longer. No dice. As soon as the nipple hit his lips he camped them tight and that was it. Apparently only Mommy's Finest will do for the young lad! Whatever man, as long as he sleeps at night, he can sip on whatever the heck he wants!

So in other news, Nolan started smiling yesterday! OH. MY. GOODNESS. Is there anything that can melt a Mama's heart like her babies first smile? I'm gonna go with NO on that one! I had Nolan laying on my bed while I was digging around finding a sleeper for him to wear. He started to fuss a bit so I went over to talk with him a little and out of nowhere he was smiling the biggest toothless grin EVER! LOVE IT! He continued on in that fashion all day long!! Kid is gonna get whatever he wants in this life. He's the baby of the family, AND he smiles at me like a crazy man! Perfect!

Anyway, he's snoozing on the couch right now and sounds like he may be trying to wake up. Better get up and ready for him!

Happy Friday!

Stretch Marks and Weight Loss

So this might be totally ass backwards and really messed up, but I tend to use my stretchmarks as a gauge to how much weight I'm losing. The more puckered they are, the more weight/surface area is gone. I was noticing this morning as I was hopping into the shower...sadly I had to pass a mirror on my way...ugh! Anyway, I stopped and had a good look. Seems as though my arms are thinning out a little bit. I've noticed that the stretchmarks that are right up near my armpit are getting really puckered. There's also a lot more stretchmarks visible on my inner arm that weren't before, yet another sign that the old tree trunk sized arms are thinning out. The stretchmarks on my arms were so stretched that i couldn't even see them. I hate that my arms have stretchmarks, my legs, my belly (great reasons for those though!) and other areas are all covered in the damn little squigglies. It's awful that I let myself go that far that now as I'm losing weight I'm looking worse in areas than I did when I was supa-fat. I'll take puckered stretch marks over high cholesterol and obesity any day, though! The stretchmarks on my belly don't bother me at all. Those are kinda like my right of passage into motherhood! I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with Spencer, I went to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy and one of the first questions he asked me was about stretchmarks and how I felt about them. Seriously? I told him, if they happen, they happen, if not, then great. No skin off my ass either way! So, I'm proud of my ugly belly because it grew and nurtured 3 beautiful healthy babies. What more could I ask of it?? Really? I should be apologizing to it because the 3 beautiful babies it carried, were HUGE babies!! So, Belly, I'm sorry for stretching you the way I did, I don't hold the squigglies against you, I embrace them, to be honest! I won't go flashing them around to anyone, but they are a constant reminder of what my body did FOR me so I will accept the ugly of my belly, and move on!

Anyway, I'll keep using my stretchmarks as my own messed up weight loss gauge! Just thought I'd share my messed up way of doing things!!

26 Days

Nolan is 26 days old today. In his 26 days on the outside, he's grown a lot! There are several sleepers that he's no longer fitting into, he's able to wear 'real' clothes!! Yesterday he wore little jeans!! Today he wore real khakis! I believe Nolan has his days and nights mixed up, and I'm not too sure how to change that. I keep him up during the day, we make sure he has his bedtime routine set. Bath bottle bed. Still, he's up a lot at night, and at some point every night, he's up for an extended period of time. Out of all three of our kids, Nolan is by far the worst night time sleeper. However, at nearly 4 weeks old, he's the best napper. I'm hoping and praying it stays that way...the napping!! By three weeks both Spencer and Liam started to do short catnaps. Not fun for a really tired Mama! All three kids have been napping this afternoon for 2 hours now. How lovely. I was dozing on the couch when I heard Nolan fuss a little. So, I got up, heated up a bottle of breastmilk, got ready for the babe to be awake and then...NOTHING! The little turd fell asleep again! So, now i have a bottle of 3.5 oz of warmed breastmilk that's going to go to waste if the little darling doesn't wake up really soon!! Frustrating!!!!!

Anyway, now that i've cursed myself saying all three kids were sleeping, I have to go get Liam out of his room because he's now awake. Lovely.

Halloween and a Growth Spurt

The cutest fish and the coolest racecar driver there ever was!!
Lightning McQueen racecar driver

Nemo the singing fish!

Two little boys with their little pumpkins!

So halloween this year was a definite hit! The big boys had lots and lots of fun. Liam ended his night long before Spencer did! He was tired and wanted to sample the candy he'd been collecting, so Spencer and Daddy continued on and hit up a few more houses before calling it quits for the evening. We had hardly any trick or treaters at our house this year. I think somewhere between 6-10...and that might be a generous estimate!! So, needless to say, there's a lot of candy left over!!

Nolan last night, well the little fart was up ever 45 mintues wanting to fill his tank. I'm guessing this was his three week growth spurt! At least I hope it was cause I don't wan this to be the new night time trend!! I can't handle that much night waking!!