Baby Beaudin's Blanket

Alliteration! Woo!

He Walks!

I have no photographic evidence, or video proof that the babe is indeed walking, but take my word for it! He's upright, and he's walking! Apparently he was just waiting for his big day, because the day after his birthday party the boy was just walking walking walking. He's able to walk from one end of the basement to the other without falling down. He still crawls when he wants to get somewhere quick, but when he feels like taking his time and enjoying a stroll, he walks. It's really a step-step-wobble-wobble-wobble-step-step-step repeat kind of motion. Still cute as hell though!

Last night (in preparation for the November 7th time change) we kept the kids up and thought we'd treat them to a cookie and a chocolate milk at Timmy Ho's after dinner. Well, that won't ever happen again, Liam was up until 10:30 absolutely buzzing. I've never seen him so hyper and crazy! He did fall asleep close to 11 but was up bright and early at 10 to 6 this morning. NOT COOL!

That is all for now. Bum to change, mouths to feed. Ta ta!

Neglectful Blogger

That's me. Life gets in the way sometimes. We've been busy doing all sorts of things. Tomorrow, our baby turns one!! How did that happen? It feels like he was just born!! He's been super sick this pastweek. I took him into the ER on Tuesday evening because he was really really upset and tugging at his ears. Obviously something was up! So we saw the doctor and she had a listen to his chest while we were there. She was quite concerned with how his breathing sounded so she sent us to x-ray. Have you seen how they x-ray a baby? Ohmigosh I was crying almost as hard as Noley!! It was awful! They put him into a clear plastic tube, had him sit on this little cart and cinched him super tight so that his arms would stay straight above his head. Poor little peanut. The X-ray tech was good though. She was literally running around trying to get her shots really fast. And she did. Thankfully, Nolan only had to sit in the torture chair for about 2 minutes. Longest two minutes I've experienced in a long time though! So anyway, the doctor originally wanted to keep Nolan in the hospital and hook him up to an IV for antibiotics. I said no. I wasn't about to put Nolan through something like that. So we were prescribed a higher dosage of antibiotics to be taken orally and we're home and Nolan is feeling a lot better! We went for a check-up this morning and the doctor decided we don't need to be going to the hospital every 8 hours for Ventolin treatments anymore! Thank God, they were making Nolan hyper as hell. Like WIRED!!

2 weeks ago we went and had fall family pictures taken! It went WAY better than our spring pictures! Even still, Liam was NOT into having his picture taken that day! I'm sure Tammy got some good shots though! She's pretty awesome at what she does!! And, the kids were dressed super cute (Thanks Kayla!) so even if they weren't really in a smiley mood, they looked coordinated at least!!

Well, that's it for now! As usual, no pictures! I SUCK at taking pictures of the kids! It's been about 2 weeks since I cracked out the camera!

Know What This Is?

This, my friends, is a Kermode bear. NOT a polar bear. NOT an albino black bear. He is, in fact a white black bear. Its a recessive gene that causes this to occur. These little guys are the rarest of the rare. There's two islands down the Douglas Channel where there's a large (large for these guys) population of these creatures. This little buddy has been wondering around my hometown for a while. A LOT of people have been lucky enough to see him. They are also referred to as Spirit Bear. Princess Royal Island and Gribbell Island are home to a great deal of these guys. The reason being that they're geographically separated from the general black bear population. Apparently as many as one in ten is born with the recessive gene and their white coat stays with them their entire life. I grew up in Kitimat and never ONCE saw one of these bears. I am SO SO jealous that there's one roaming around and I don't get to see it!

Learning something new

Still can't spill the beans on my secret, but oooohhhh I can't wait!!

Anyway, we have a new niece or nephew currently being cooked up in his/her Mama's belly in Sunny California!! I've always wanted to learn how to crochet something OTHER than a basic chain stitch that I can turn into a scarf. So, with Baby Beaudin on the way, what better time to learn?!! I've been practicing different stitches, putting together pieces here and there to see what I like best, what's easiest and nicest looking. I think I have a winner. I'm making a practice baby afghan for Mr. Nolan. The boy has a thing for crocheted blankets! It's turning out really nice, so when I finish, I'll be moving on and making one for Baby Beaudin! Out of all the baby gifts we've ever received, the hand made things were the most meaningful to us. I just think they're so personal. So, knowing that we won't know this babe as well as we would like...the whole distance thing! I'm going to make him/her a baby afghan that hopefully will be a cherished gift! And if it isn't, at least it's something Baby Beaudin can lay on while playing on the floor! So, with that said, I'm off to practice some more while I have a few quiet minutes!

I Have A Secret...

But I can't share it right now. Just thought you'd like to know that!

So We Went To The Dinosaur Museum.

We went to the Royal Tyrrell Museum last Saturday. We stopped and picked up my brother en route and had a grand ol' time. The kids were all amazingly well behaved! Spencer was in Dinosaur Heaven. Liam? Scared out of his little pants. We all took turns carrying him through the ENTIRE museum while he hid his head in our shoulders. The only part of the museum he loved LOVED was the cardboard cut out of a lion. I kid you not. This kid lost his shit over a cardboard lion. He stood there cooing at it, KISSING it, and just loving on it like no one's business. It was actually kind of endearing. That was it though. He did not like one single other thing there. Not one. Poor kid. He was also pretty unsure of the giant dinosaur that you climb at the Tourist Info Park thinger. Dan had to carry him up that massive 9 million storey carnivore. And then, turn right back around and head back down to terra firma with the blond babe. Apparently Liam isn't quite as fearless as we had thought! Spencer on the other hand, had the time of his life. We took a quick drive around town and Spencer thought it was un-freaking-real that there were dinos on the sidewalks and almost everywhere he looked. He asked if we could move there. We said no. We promised to go back though. He was okay with that. Nolan was pretty good considering he did not get a real nap. He was hungry for the better part of the day, but wasn't really into eating anything we offered him. He did drink about a liter and a half of milk though. And no, I'm not kidding. Boy likes his moo juice. No doubt about it. Anyway, I do have pictures. Just not on my computer. They're still on the camera. Which I THINK is under the coffee table. But, I'm at work. You see my dilemma? Yeah, me too. I'll get them up when I can!

She Would Be 24

6 years and 10 months ago, a very special girl went to heaven. Exactly two months after she turned 17. She was sweet, smart, and funny. She laughed a lot. She was my "stand in sister". She was my sister's best friend. It's hard to believe that if she were still here today, she'd be 24. She'd be a young woman. Maybe she'd have a family? Maybe she'd be just starting out in her career? Maybe she'd be a young, carefree woman dancing to the beat of her own drum? Who knows. The hardest part about her not being here, is wondering who she'd be today. We'll never know. But regardless, today she would have been 24. She had one young niece when she died. Today? 3 nieces and 1 nephew. A brother in law. An amazing sister, though I'm sure she knew that already. So today, on what would have been her 24th birthday I'll sit here and imagine who she would have been.

Who You'd Be Today

Kenny Chesney

Sunny days seem to hurt the most

Wear the pain like a heavy coat

I feel you everywhere I go

I see your smile, I see your face

I her you laughing in the rain

Still can't believe you're gone

It ain't fair you died too young

Like a story that had just begun

Then death tore all the pages away

God knows how I miss you

All the hell that I've been through

Just knowing no one could take your place

Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?

Would you chase your dreams?

Settle down with a family?

I wonder, what would you name your babies?

Some days the sky's so blue

I feel like I can talk to you

And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died to young

Like a story that had just begun

Then death tore the pages all away

God knows how I miss you

All the hell that I've been through

Just knowing no one could take you place

Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Today, Today, Today

Today, Today, Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most

I wear the pain like a heavy coat

The only thing that gives me hope

Is I know I'll see you again someday

Someday, Someday

Four

Today, at 10:29am, Spencer turned 4 years old. I cannot believe how fast these past four years have gone! Where did my squishy newborn go? What an incredible journey these past 4 years have been. In 4 years we've gone from sleep deprived bewildered new parents, to sleep deprived parents of THREE boys. Life is good. Spencer was the perfect start to our family. He's the best big brother out there. He loves with his whole heart. He cares for people and animals in such a tender way. He's a smart little man too! Ask him anything you want about dinosaurs. Anything. He knows it. And if he doesn't, he finds out. He sings his ABC's for anyone who'll listen, he loves to colour and play make believe. He's obsessed with going to school and will quite often play 'school' downstairs with his Weeam. I couldn't imagine not having this brown haired brown eyed boy in our family. He brings us such joy! I love to hear what he's thinking. I love that in his quest for total honesty he often tells on himself! He loves to help in the kitchen, loves bath time. He's creative. Loves to draw pictures and tell us all about them. He enjoys reading to his brothers, and playing eye spy! Happy Birthday My Love!!

Offer Up Some Prayers

Weekend

This weekend, the long weekend, was certainly long. I'm glad it's back to the grind. Really I am. Saturday I worked. It was a nice break from the usual screaming and crying and fighting. While at work I learned of a little girl in Kitimat who is currently fighting for her life. She suffered a pretty severe seizure and then brain hemorrhage. She had emergency surgery on Saturday night to deal with the bleeding. Apparently there was more bleeding than was originally suspected. She's been placed in a medically induced coma, where she will remain for at least 2 weeks. I'm hearing that she will be down in Children's Hospital for at least a month. This little girl? Is 18 months old. My heart is sick for her mama. So sick.

Also this weekend we (I) decided to paint the basement. It's completed now. I'm not really in love with the colour. I going for a grey with a blue undertone, I ended up with blue and a grey undertone. Crap. I'm not changing it though. I don't have the time, energy and really, don't want to spend another hundred dollars on paint. It is brighter down here, and it does look a lot cleaner, so really I guess I did what I set out to do. I just don't love the colour. Maybe with a few new accessories and some new plants it'll look better. Of course it'll take time to get it all pulled together. We'll see.

This weekend also brought on the lovely summer cold. Well, cold would be an extremely kind description. I feel like I have a Mac Truck sitting on my chest. I've been fevered for the past 2 days. I can't sleep. I've been drinking ice cold water like a maniac, thus, I've been peeing like a maniac. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant. However, I know better.

Nolan graced us with 2 full nights of rest this week. I'm hoping he's starting to turn a corner. If not, we'll be turning the corner for him via crying it out at night. Doctor said it was perfectly find to do so!

Liam is on day 3 of hardcore potty training. He's had one accident a day usually towards the end of the day where it gets chaotic and he's tired. I'm proud of him! He's so excited to be wearing big boy unders! I love it!

Spencer has been sporting quite the attitude lately. I'm learning that this is part of the territory with 4 years old. He's quickly approaching this milestone. 9 days until the big day. It makes me so sad. I can hardly believe my baby is going to be 4!

Well, the littlest babe is requesting some one on one snuggle time. Better go indulge.

Bringing Happy Back

Nolan, after a week for free flowing snot, seems to be finding his happy again! Yesterday he was MISERABLE. Today? He played happily on the floor in the living room for an hour. Then, we moved downstairs where he played for another hour, happily, on the floor!! Thank the heavens, this kid seems to be getting back to normal!

Liam still has a bit of a ways to go before he's over this snot fest. It seems to have hit him the worst out of everyone. He's so tired and just run down. Poor little man. I'm soaking up all the snuggles though!

We're still waiting to hear back from the Stollery for Spencer's echocardiogram. I'm thinking the doctor doesn't feel it's that big an issue as it's been nearly a week and I haven't heard even a whisper from them. I phoned on Monday to find out what was going on, but they said that the Stollery would call me directly and set up an appointment. I think I'll call the Dr. office back on Friday if I haven't heard anything.

I've started making plans and preparations for Spencer's birthday. This is the first one that he'll really remember so I want to make it good. That and the fact that his first three birthdays were really not all that fantastic! I suck at planning, so hopefully this all turns out well!

Well, I'm off to tape off the trim in the basement. Gonna get it all painted this weekend. No more pen marks and chips on those walls!! I think it's going to look fabulous when it's done!! Woot!

Spencer

Last week, Spencer and I were cuddling on the couch before bedtime. I noticed that his heart was racing, and that it sounded strange. I asked Dan to listen to see if he heard what I heard. He also thought it sounded a bit off. We decided that we'd bring him with us to Nolan's check-up on Friday to see if we were hearing things, or if there was something a little off. He was diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat. A few months back, he had a really bad stomach virus and was seriously dehydrated and run down. I brought him to the doctor then and they heard an irregular heartbeat but thought it was just due to dehydration. Anyway, our fantastic doctor jumped on things immediately. She wrote up req's for an ECG, an x-ray of his heart, and for an Echo cardiogram. We went ahead and had the ECG and his x-ray done on Friday. He sailed through those! I have no idea what they found, if anything. We're still waiting on our appointment at the Stollery to have his ultrasound done and then we'll be meeting back with the doctor to decide what, if anything, needs to be done! So, there you have it. Leave it to the mild mannered easygoing oldest babe to give us a bit of a scare!

He looked way to cute in this little gown not to take a picture! Right before going in for his x-ray. He charmed the pants off the tech!

Having his ECG. He was annoyed that he had to stay still for this one!!

What We've Been Up To

So, what have we been up to? Well, let me show you!

We've been 'helping' with the unloading of the dishwasher. Really, what we've been doing is sampling the spoons as they come out of the cutlery holder.
We've been standing in the big scoop of a tractor for Mama to get some pictures. Then, we've been throwing fits because Mama won't let us climb into the tractor and drive off.
We've been throwing balls. We've also been practicing catching balls, though that takes a lot more skill! We're working on it though!

And, we've been baking muffins. LOTS of muffins with fresh blueberries. We've also been freezing said muffins so we always have something homemade for breakfast!

Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?

How easy it is to make THIS:

Seriously? SO EASY! I mean, the bread machine is easier, but for minimal effort, I have two beautiful loaves of bread that I made with my hands, start to finish! Makes me wonder why I bought a fancy new breadmaker. Okay, I know why. Because its still easier to throw everything into the pan hit start and walk away. But really? I think I might be making bread the old fashioned way a little more frequently now!!

Wiam Mommy

I'm sitting on my sofa right now waiting for Nolan to wake up. This kid is like his Mama, LOVES to sleep in! Anyway I left a pair of shoes downstairs on the weekend when I was trying to match some shoes to my outfit for work. Spencer and Liam have both been trying the shoes on and playing their own version of 'house'. You know? The game EVERY little girl in the world has played at some point? "I'll be the baby, you be the mommy" game. Anyway, Spencer and Liam have been playing "Wiam Mommy, Wiam Papa, Spencer Papa" and a few others for about a week straight. I looove LOVE hearing them play downstairs! Their love for one another is astounding! These little men of mine love each other so incredibly deeply it almost hurts me! Hearing Liam play the mommy role is hilarious. In his broken English/toddler babble, he loves on Spencer, disciplines him, guides him through their little life scenarios. Spencer is such a little peace keeper. He's showing Liam (when he's playing the Mommy role) how to do things like cook on their play kitchen and drive a car (the love seat!) Currently, I can hear them playing "grocery shopping with Grandpa". Now, I don't think they've ever been grocery shopping with any of their grandpas, but that is what they're doing right now. They've got their toy shopping cart out and are filling it up with items they may need! Too cute!

Nolan has turned into quite the late riser. The boy likes to sleep in! Yesterday, he slept until after 10!! Man, if only the other kids did the same!! Nolan went to bed last night at 7:30 and he's still sleeping right now, at a quarter to nine in the morning!!! And yesterday? He had a FOUR HOUR NAP! None of my kids EVER have napped that long! I was in heaven!!

Well, speak of the devil, the little chunkey monkey has finally woken up!! Off to get some slobbery kisses and hugs!

I can't think of a title, title.

I'm sitting here, my babe is playing with a toy boat, my blonde boy is racing his trains all around the train track, and my oldest boy is absolutely engrossed in Strawberry Shortcake. And, it's quiet! Absolutely a miracle! So we've been busy this past week! We went down to the city last Tuesday, went straight over to our friends house so we could pick up Dan's father's day/wedding anniversary gift. So exciting, except, it didn't work. I bought him a Nikon D50000 camera. I had Kayla go pick it up for me, mostly because she's awesome like that. Anyway she went and did all my shopping and nicely wrapped it up and then BAM, the thing doesn't work. So, off to the expensive Camera store we go on Wednesday, Kayla, myself, and FIVE kids under FIVE. Yep. They were amazingly well behaved!! Anyway, we went into the camera store and told them our deal. They were incredibly accomodating, gave us the demo model body. It turns out it was the camera body, not the lens so we were able to keep out lens. Anyway got the camera all switched out, were told it could be quite a while before a new body was back in, as there's a WORLD WIDE backorder on these things! Anyway, got that all sorted out and went back to Chez Kayla. I cannot believe how well the kids all behaved!! It was awesome!

On Thursday we went down to visit my mom, with a stop on the way to see Dan's grandma. We hadn't seen her since Grandpa Brick's funeral. She's doing very well! Was super happy to see us, of course! Loved on her great grandbabies like nobody's business!! Then we carried on a little further south to go see my mom and surprise my grandma who was there visiting! We were there for quite a while and all three kids had a blast! Nolan was a little more grumpy than normal, understandable since he didn't get a real nap that day!

Friday we went to the cabin! We stayed until Tuesday morning. It was awesome! So relaxing and quiet! The kids all had a blast!! I'm glad we went!!

Now, we're back home and getting back into the daily grind. I'm thinking I'm going to take the kiddos to the splash park today! I'm sure they'll have a blast!

Sorry for the boring as ever post!!

Spencerism

Scene: in the van in the Canadian Tire parking lot.

Mama: strapping Nolan into his carseat.

Liam: climbing up into his carseat.

Daddy: loading our purchases into the van, along with the baby stroller

Spencer: HEY DAD!! Is dat a HOME BUS?? (spotting a motorhome a few parking stalls over)

I love this kid!

Out of the Mouth of Spencer

"Mom, you're the best mom ever! You wanna know why? Because you drive really fast!"

(Me driving 35km an hour through town when the posted limit is 50km)

Rain Rain Go Away

Really. I feel like I'm living in Kitimat again. It's done nothing but rain for the past few weeks. Last night when I went to bed, I checked the weather forecast (cause I'm cool like that) and it said it was going to rain today and then be sunny for the next 4 days. So, this morning I checked again and BAM! Rain for as long as I can see. This sucks. We had a nice but windy day yesterday, we were able to get out for a walk last night. The kids loved it. Nolan reached his happy limit about 5 minutes from home though. They all slept AMAZING last night! In fact, Nolan is still snoozin'. But the rain? Seriously. The grass is green, the forest fire threat is practically non existent. Lets get on with the sunshine already.

We're going down to Red Deer to visit the Great Grands on Saturday and then carrying on to Olds for a maybe sleep over at my Ma's house! We'll play it by ear with the kids. If they're good, we'll sleep over, if they're little holy terrors, we'll strap them to the roof of the van and go home!

It's amazing that it's been 2 weeks since my last post and I have NOTHING entertaining to tell. Oh, I got my new bread machine on Tuesday. I am in LOVE with this thing. I'm gonna get fatter than I already am with this thing. The whole wheat bread this baby cranks out is nothing short of amazing! Light, fluffy, tasty!! PRESERVATIVE FREE!! Oh yah baby!! But that's it. Nothing else really noteworthy has gone down at Ches Thackeray. Sorry for boring you to tears!

Laytah Skaytah!

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

Thursdays too. Except only Thursdays that see me end up in the ER with my middle son. Why on earth were we at the wonderfully fantastic (note the sarcasm) hospital in Slave Lake? Because Liam's little testicles disappeared. That's why. No. I'm not kidding. He had been complaining all day that he hurt and kept saying 'poop, Mama'. I thought he was constipated so I just kept sticking him on the toilet hoping for the best. After dinner he asked to put on some cream so as I was putting on the fictional cream I noticed his sack...yes I'm using that term. Scrotum is dirty. Anyway, his sack was all shriveled up and super tiny so I gave it a little squeeze. Nothing. So I called Dan in to check, figuring since he has the same equipment he'd know better whether or not the previously mentioned testicles were there or not. His expert man opinion? Nope, not there. So, like any responsible three times over parents, we each called our mothers. Nothing like calling Mom when you're clueless. Even when you're each nearing thirty, have three kids, four cats, a dog and house flies. When in doubt? Call mom. They always know what to do. Anyway, I then called Health Link and they instructed me to immediately take Liam into the ER. We were ushered into a room instantly, the doctor was there immediately. I guess they take missing balls seriously in this town. Good to know. So the Doctor was getting to ready to perform an exam on Liam's nether regions when he very proudly announced "NO BAWLS, SEEEE?" Yup. Only my kid. The doc had no clue what the hell was going on because he wasn't sick in any way, he wasn't fevered or sore to the touch. We decided we'd give him a warm bath and see if the little buggers would descend like they're supposed to. They did. Thank God! Liam was so super excited to have a tub tub at the hospital! He was ready to rip his clothes off on the way down the hall to the tubbing room. That boy loves his baths! He sat in the tub for about 20 minutes. I gave his little sack a squeeze after a little while and discovered he had descended. Praise the Lord! We have to go back to the doctor in the morning just to make sure the little guys are where they need to be. So, that's that. Never a dull moment in this house, that's for sure! Hoping for a much more calm and uneventful Friday!

A Glimpse Into My Afternoon

Scene: Backyard playtime with all three kids.

So, this afternoon the babes and I were all in the back yard hanging out. Nolan on his blanket trying his darnedest to figure out a sippy cup. Spencer trying his darnedest to turn himself into a frog. Liam? Liam hunting bugs. Successfully. Very successfully. You know those GIANT ants? The ones that eat little ants for breakfast? Well they were all crawling all over the back yard. Gross. Anyway, Liam spotted one and went a picked it up. Gross. He then tried to CUDDLE the bug. Telling me "ohhhh Mama, so tute!" (cute). Then...wait for it...MMMMMWWWWAAAAA he KISSED THE FRICKEN ANT. Every one he found he played with for a little bit, then stuffed in his pocket and carried on. D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G. Disgusting.

Also today, yours truly spend FIVE HOURS cleaning the inside of the van. FIVE. HOURS. I'm not kidding. I spent an hour and a half alone vacuuming. It's not that it was overly filthy, it's just that it's overly huge. All but the windows are done now, so I'm happy. Now if we can just maintain the cleanliness we'll be good!

Well, all three monkeys are in bed. Time to park myself on the sofa for some much needed veg time!

Not Much Goin On Round Here

Other than the normal. You know. Poop, snot, poop, poop, some more poop. Ahhh such is the life. We're finally getting some decent weather, so last night the boys all got to go outside for a while! Spencer had his first ride on his new bike...and of course I didn't have the camera handy. Boo to that. Nolan had fun riding big boy style in the stroller (no car seat attachment) he was so content and was happy to look at all the new sights!!

I had a visitor on Monday morning! My cousin Vanessa stopped by for a quick little visit! It looks as though she and her boyfriend are possibly moving to town! I cannot tell you how much this excites me! It's been a LONG time since I've lived anywhere that I have family! I hope she knows what she's getting into if they end up landing in good ol' Slave Lake!

In other news, it looks as though Nolan's hair is getting a bit of a curl to it! How cute would that be to have a curly haired little boy?! We all know how I feel about baby hair cuts so this little monkey would be sure to have an afro! haha

Anyway, time to figure out what's for supper! ta ta!

Some pictures?

Handsome little men, don't you think? PS, check out Liam the lefty!

A Post With No Title.

Total rule breaker over here. Ooooo.

So the big boys are colouring pictures on the coffee table right now and I'm noticing that Liam is most definitely a lefty!! Not that this is surprising, really. He's such a different soul than Spencer. Complete polar opposite! It's definitely one of the reasons why we love him so much! I'm hoping it'll mean he taps into his creativity and e....okay, had to stop typing there to tell Liam to please not eat the crayons. Yup, this kid is awesome. I can see how the colours would look appetizing. Really, I can. We eat with our eyes first, isn't that what they always say? So yeah, he saw the red crayon, clearly it looked delicious and he went for it. Good on him. And, I've now completely lost the thought I was in the middle of writing. Go figure.



Spencer and the lippy attitude is still going strong. I'm guessing it's just the age and stage he's in right now. We'll continue to work on it and see what we can do. He's definitely starting to push his limits a lot more now. While I was working last Saturday, Dan took them to the park. Apparently when they were leaving both Spencer and Liam took off away from Dan and went running for the van which was parked on the street. You can imagine how well that went over. What was really surprising was that Spencer was the ring leader in that situation. He's never the leader. It's always Liam. Anyway there was lots of shit dished out, I think Spencer got the message loud and clear that running away from Daddy in the park is NOT COOL. We won't be making a repeat appearance for a while at this park.



....and Liam is continuing to sample the crayons. He's chewing. I'm scared.



Nolan has had some seriously crappy nights for the past little bit. Last night and the night before I ended up turning off the monitors and let him scream. He's old enough to be sleeping through the night, so it's high time he learned.

I saved this post with the intention of coming back and finishing it off. But, I have no idea what else I intended to write so we'll just end it here.

Does anyone read this?

besides you, Mom!

Today? Not a Good Day.

Everything was off today. The kids were a little extra grumpy. I'm thinking they're getting sick of being sick. I get it. Liam was up at 7 this morning, and back down again by 9. He slept for 2 hours. He then went back for a short cat nap at 1. Sleepy sleepy boy. He's also been running around with no pants on all day. We're on day 2 of hardcore potty training. We had one accident today, but it was completely my fault. He was asking or tell me something in his own language and I didn't understand him, so I turned around to do something and he peed his pants. He was so embarrassed. We had a quick chat about it and he felt better. We decided he'd go without pants and unders for the rest of the day so he could communicate better if he needed to go potty. It's been working! I'm so proud of him!

Nolan, after his epic nap yesterday (3.5 hours) was only into cat napping today. He seems to go like that. Good nap day not so good nap day. Whatever, even his 'bad' napping days are 100 times better than Spencer or Liam's naps ever were!

Spencer has been back talking like it's going out of style. I've resorted to one warning and then a smack on the face. I don't know what else to do. He's getting so incredibly lippy. Time outs aren't doing ANYTHING. I need a more severe punishment that will have a lasting effect on him.

I've had a considerable amount of 'get up and go' to get things done around the house today. I've attacked the laundry, cleaned our bedroom, cleaned toilets, I have plans to vacuum the basement after the babes are all in bed (sooooooooon!!) This house has been neglected for a LONG while and needs a really good and deep clean. That's my mission this week. I'll let you know how it goes.

Family Pictures, Potty Training and SNOT

First. Family pictures were FUN! Like FUN FUN. Maybe I was the only one that was completely enjoying it. The photographer...if there's anyone who reads this and knows how to add links that I can rename (photographer...click here and go kind of idea) please let me know. I feel that you ALL need to know about this woman! She and her assistant were fabulous! Very easy going and fun! The kids were all pissed at the end. Nolan started out pissed...not that shocking! Liam ended it more than pissed. Cookies fixed it though! I'll know for next time to pack bribe food! Food bribes go a LONG way in this house! Anyway, I'm excited to see what sorts of shots Tammy from Smiley Eyes Photography (www.smileyeyesphotography.ca) Still can't click on there and go. Please help!

Potty Training. I just went and bought ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS worth of Diapers for Liam. Those who know me know that I like to have a huge supply of ANYTHING on hand and any given time. Thus the insane amount of diapers. However, by doing this I only need to buy the damn things maybe every other month. So that's awesome because I loathe the walmart here. And of course, it's the cheapest place to get the friggen things. Anyhow, I bought all these diapers and he now wants to be wearing big boy unders and peeing on the big boy potty. Nope, not the potty that HE PICKED OUT for himself. No. Not that one. He wants the porcelain throne in the bathroom. Not that I'm complaining! One less tushie to diaper is awesome for me! So, Go Liam Go!!

Snot. There's still a huge amount of the stuff flowing out of EVERY NOSE IN THIS HOUSE. Seriously. I'm getting so damn tired. And, I'm running out of Kleenex. AND I won't be going to Costco any time soon to restock. So, this house needs to just get healthy already!

Anyway, that's it for now!

Sick Kids and Family Pictures

So, the Great Cold of Spring 2010 has hit our house. It's blasted its way through all three kids, has moved on to Dan. I can hear that scary shark music (You know, duh duh duh duh duuuh duhduhduhduhduhduh-a la Jaws movies) anyway, it's coming for me, I know it. I've been popping vitamins and ecinecea as well as not kissing kids (almost impossible) for the past week, so I'm hoping it won't be too bad. Anyway, everyone is sick, except for me. We have family pictures scheduled in Edmonton tomorrow. Our first EVER. Everyone is sick. See my dilemma? I'm still going. Sick or not, this is our family. They're outside. Kids perk up outside. I'll give my husband a shot of Red Bull or something before we go. It's only for an hour. It'll be fine. Anyway, off to go pack. buh bye.

Slacking Much? Apparently.

Holy crap. It's been like almost a month since I posted anything. Weird. Lots has happened. Mostly rather crappy stuff. We lost some fairly super important well loved people on both sides of the family. Within days of each other. It was hard. We're moving on. First. Great Grandma Peggy decided to go dance with the angels. Then, Aunt Arleigh decided to follow along and also went to dance. We miss them both terribly.

Happier things. Liam turned 2!! I'll do a post with pictures at some point. It was fun, low key and just what we needed. We had good company and good food. What more could we ask for? Nothing, really.

We have booked family pictures for this coming Saturday. I'm so so so so excited. I just spoke with the photographer on the phone. She grew up in Hazelton! Crazy small world! She sounds nice, was really chatty so that's a plus! I'm hoping to have family pictures done every year, and pics of the kids done every year if not every 6 months. They grow and change so fast, it's time I get on this and start documenting!

Nolan now has TEETH. As of yesterday he was welcomed into the TEETH club. He's been a card carrying member of the TOOTH club for about 2 weeks. He traded up yesterday though. Also, he's finally decided that he can roll! Yah baby!! And sit. Oh the boy sits now too! So cute! They always look way too little to be sitting! Before long he's gonna be motoring all over this house!

We went to Miss Talia's birthday party this weekend in Edmonton! Lots of fun had by all the kids! Even more fun had afterwards at the park! Would so love to be able to do that more often!

Spencer has started to throw more and more tantrums. We're working on this. It's not easy.

Anyway, that's it for now.

Goodnight

Goodnight, Goodnight, sleep tight. Great Grandma Peggy journeyed up to the Heavens last night. We will miss her dearly. I'm sure it must have been quite the reunion between her and Great Grandpa Cecil. How special for them.



I'm so so so very thankful my boys were all able to go meet her. I'm thankful there are pictures of those special moments for us to look back on. I'm thankful for all the time we had with her. I'm especially thankful that for the past 10 years, I've had the pleasure of having her in my life. She was a special special lady, and I know three little boys who loved her and will miss her.

Cooking

I've never been much of a cook. Baking, that's where my heart is. But recently, I've really started to find my inner chef's groove. I'm really enjoying making yummy grub for my peeps to eat. I've been trying new recipes, the kids have been getting quite a lot more variety in their diets! A while ago, I even made a loaf of fresh bread...FROM SCRATCH to go along with our friggen delicious dinner. Tonight, I'm going to be making it again! It's all I have been able to think about for a few weeks so I guess that means I need to eat it again! Delish! Anyway, I'm going to end this post now. It's boring. I'm bored writing it, you're bored reading it, lets just call it a day, mmmk?

The Other Mommy

My kids have 2 Mommies. Yep. That's right. They have me, and they have another mommy, she's black and shiny, and has four legs. She is our dog. We got her 3 years ago, from some strangers a few hours down the road. She lived on a chicken farm, and had acquired quite the taste for the ahem chickens... I guess she was about to be put out of farmer Joe's misery and sent off to doggy heaven by way of shotgun. Well, my mom told us about her, we were looking for a dog. Preferably something a little bigger, house trained, and good with kids. What we got? Sadie. She is absolutely unreal with the kiddies. She babysits them while they're playing in the basement. She comes and finds me if one of the little people is doing something they shouldn't. She sits at my feet when I'm feeding the baby, just making sure everything is going all right. She loves her babes like only a mother can. During Nolan's fussiest of fussy days, she was right there, sitting underfoot, making sure her babe was all right. The other night while Dan was getting the screaming babe ready for bed, Sadie sat outside Nolan's bedroom door, ears straight up, nose smack on the door, waiting to be let in to make sure Dad wasn't hurting her youngest. I have never ever seen anything like her. When Spencer was starting to walk, she'd heard him in the living room, instinctively knowing where he could and couldn't go. She lays on the floor and lets her boys climb all over her. Pull on her, drop things on her, all with a smile on her face. She takes her job VERY seriously. When we're out on a walk, she abandons all of her training and walks on the street side of the sidewalk, keeping her little ones protected from the cars driving by. When they're playing in the back yard, she keeps them from climbing the stairs up to the deck, knowing that it's dangerous and they could fall and get seriously hurt. She is absolutely amazing! A lot of days, her spectacular parenting is her only saving grace. Although she loves her kids with every fiber of her being, she is a very very needy pup. She needs a lot of attention. She has to sleep crated at night, because if left to her own devices, she pees all over the floor in the basement. NOT COOL. But, I'm willing to look past all that. She's helping my babes all create wonderful memories. She loves on the kids and lets them love on her with reckless abandon and I love to see it!

Prayers

Can we all just take a moment to say a little prayer for Great Grandma Peggy? She's having surgery this morning and a few prayers wouldn't hurt!

Time Changes And Kids

I'm not a big fan of time changes. They always manage to seriously mess up the good schedules we have at our house! This time change (the lose an hour one) is not so bad. The kids have been sleeping in an hour longer, however, they're now also going to bed an hour later. ugh. I love my evenings free of kids. I love the quiet time I get with my husband. When the kidlets go to bed later than normal, I miss an hour of my coveted quiet time! The upside is, they're sleeping until nearly 8am! Can't complain about that!! I've got to slowly adjust their bedtimes back to 7 for the two little ones, and 7:30 for the big one. I need my evenings! I'm okay with going to bed early, and waking up early. I prefer it to staying up late!

Last night we decided to walk over to the local A&W for some burgers. The kids had tonnes of fun walking over there. Liam is not a fan of holding hands through parking lots, but he did give in after a while. Spencer is starting to assert himself a lot more. He's also starting to back talk a lot more. That's not cool!! Usually, after a quiet but firm talking to he smartens up and is back to himself. It's worse when he's tired (obviously!)

Nolan is starting to come out of his shell a little more. His Nana and Grandpa were here over the weekend and he was much more open to the idea of someone other than his parents, holding him. Of course he reached his happy limit soon, but the fact that he let someone else touch him is a huge milestone! Go Baby Nolan!

Liam is using his words more and more every day! I love hearing his little baby babble actually slowly turn into words! He's getting really really good at stringing a few words together now too! Something that took Spencer a long while to do!

Spencer has learned about teasing. He's a big fan of pissing Liam off and then playing innocent. Shit head! We've had some good talks about it, and we've also allowed Liam to tease Spencer so that he can see how crappy it makes him feel!

Well, that's it for this Monday morning!

Finally

I seem to finally be coming out of this baby funk. It happens with every baby. I go into survival mode and stay there until things start settling down. It seems as though that might just be what's happening around here. Settling down. The big boys are finding their grooves as big brothers. They're getting along pretty well, most of the time. Nolan is starting to realize he's a little human being and therefore is acting more like one. It's nice. He's starting to really be interactive with his surroundings. He's grabbing for things, he'll smile at you from across the room! He loves his Exersaucer!! And the Jolly Jumper! Oh my goodness that boy loves him some jolly jumpin'! He's just figured out how to actually jump in it in the past few days! He looks so cute just bobbing up and down with a big toothless grin on his face!

I'm starting to find my rhythm with the three kids. It definitely took a lot longer to bounce back this time! I think it was more due to the fact that Nolan was super colicky, than the fact that I now have three little people who depend on me for EVERYTHING. I was thinking about this the other day. And, when Liam was born, he just fit right into everything. He was pretty laid back. He did have about a week of colicky behavior but I don't think it was really truly colic. Nolan on the other hand, was a challenge almost from the moment he came home. He had his days and nights mixed up pretty bad, was incredibly colicky. He still has some serious attachment issues...but it just means more snuggles for mommy and daddy, so I'm trying not to complain! He's definitely still a little fuss bucket when he wants to be, but overall, he's turning into a super charming and sweet little man, just like his brothers! I hate that it took so much out of me to get used to dealing with all three little men, but it did. The calm is coming back to the house, we're laughing more than we're arguing, we're slowly able to get out and do things as a family of five! That's the best! We went for a little walk on the weekend and it was so nice! I'm really looking forward to getting to the stage where we can take all three of them for a walk and have them all toddling on their own feet!

Last week, Liam had a pretty serious black eye. We're not sure how he got it, he just toddled out of his room on Saturday morning with a super severe shiner! It's finally starting to go away (nearly 10 days later) but then on this past Saturday Spencer ended up with a pretty radical shiner! So, needless to say, we haven't been making and public appearances lately!

Anyway, I had planned to get to bed early tonight...so far it's not looking like it's going to happen. But, I'm gonna try!

5 months

The littlest babe is 5 months old today. As of 12:03 pm! It's gone by so fast!! It's definitely been a challenge, but we're sure happy he's here!! He likes to let us know when he's pissed. It happens frequently! He's becoming so much more independent. He'll play in his exersaucer for 10 minutes or so, he'll sit in his highchair and munch on a toy while I'm making dinner, he loooooves his jolly jumper! He still hates anyone his is NOT his Mama or Daddy. Though he made a tiny improvement in that area last night when he let Auntie Chelle hold him for about 15 seconds! haha The first time she tried to hold him he flipped right out. But right before bed, and with a lot of sweet talking before, he allowed himself to be in the arms of someone other than a parent!! Victory!

Nolan is now weighing in at about 16 lbs. He's a little fatty!! Just the way we like them! He's been dabbling in pablum here and there. He's still not a huge fan, but of course it's a learning curve, he'll get it eventually! I did buy a jar of sweet potatoes to mix in with his rice cereal to see if that makes a difference, but I doubt it will. We'll just have to keep trying every day!

Nolan's nights seem to be slowly improving. That's all I'm saying though, because we all know that you never ever talk about anything GOOD a babe is doing, because it will surely change and make a liar out of me!

Well, that's all for now! Off to drink some coffee and watch the morning news!

March 1st

ahhhhhhhhhhh (big BIG sigh) I'm hoping and praying that this month will bring big changes in our house. Something along the lines of sleep and harmony. But, who am I kidding? Life with three young children is all about NO sleep and LOTS of inharmonious moments. But. I'm hoping Nolan turns into a bit more of a person, and not a needy little screaming machine. We have absolutely NO overnight trips ANYWHERE planned for the next few months, so I'm hoping that will help us to crack down and get his nights figured out. I think there's a lot to be said for putting them to bed awake but drowsy. We're going to have to work on this. Liam and Spencer's room sharing adventure is going fairly well. The mornings start A LOT earlier than they should, but I'm hoping if we get bedtimes back on track, the mornings will sort themselves out.

I'm happy the Olympics are over. Seriously. I'm tired RIGHT out! They were absolutely amazing to watch, but I've had my fill. How amazing that they were in our own backyard?! I think we put on a pretty spectacular event, if I do say so myself!

Anyway, screaming tired children are needing me to referee.

Interested

Liam, today, has been showing great interest in the potty!! I know it'll probably be short lived, but I'm okay with that. He's a lot more aware with what's going on with his little boy parts. He tells us when he pees or poops. It's awesome!!! We'll have to go diggin in the shed/garage to find the potty Spencer used. It'll probably be a little less intimidating than the big toilet.

Also, Liam has learned "Mommy". And boy oh boy does he ever use it. He was looking through the Sears Wishbook the other day and said "Mommy" about 7 million times. Everytime he saw a cool toy...in the sears wishbook...you can imagine how many cool toys there are. Anyway he'd say "Mommy" as in "Mommy look at this super awesome fantastic toy. I want it" It gets old really really fast!! He's definitely getting more courageous with his vocabulary lately. I love it. He was a lot slower to start speaking than Spencer was. Hard to believe, because according to the public health nurse in Kitscoty, Spencer was "slow" and needed to be referred to a speach pathologist. Of course we never consented to it and he started to talk all on his own in good time. And now, he doesn't shut up. Liam will be the same, I'm sure of it!

Also, in Liam news. And Spencer news for that matter. The two big boys are now sharing a room! So far it's going OK. They like to goof off at bedtime. I guess it's to be expected. The hardest part is for me to just let them figure it out. I don't know if it's widely known...but I'm a bit of a control freak...anyway, I would like for them to just get into bed and go to sleep. Fat chance of that happening. It's okay though. They're forming an awesome friendship, and I just need to let them figure out that if they don't go to sleep when they're put to bed, that they're going to be really really tired and grumpy when they get up the next morning. They'll get it, with time.

Olympic Protesters

Honestly now. Protesting the Olympics? Ugh. It's fine if you're not in the spirit. It's fine if you would rather the Olympics were not in your backyard. It's fine. Really. But stopping the torch relay route to get some publicity?? Get an effing life. I rarely get really really REALLY pissed off watching TV. Hard to believe...I know. But yeah. Seeing those protesters really rubbed me the wrong way. Not only are you raining on Canada's parade, you're completely robbing a special moment from the torch carriers. There were a bunch of Veterans at the Cenotaph waiting for their turn with the torch. It never happened because the stupid protesters blocked the torch route. They had to re-route to somewhere that there weren't even any spectators to get around the dumb asses. Those poor Veterans. It pisses me off that these selfish people need to completely ruin something so special in order to get some publicity for themselves. Anyway. That's my rant for the moment. I'm sure I'll be back later today. I'm now going to watch more Olympic coverage.

For Real This Time

There will be no more breast milk for Nolan. Every time he has breast milk, he throws it up. Like GUSHES. Not a little spit up, not a wet burp. Nope. The kid explodes. When he has a bottle of formula, nothing. We get a nice clean burp out of him and that's that. So, formula it is. I haven't nursed or pumped since yesterday morning. I'm in agony. I had a HOT shower this morning to relieve some pressure but still. I woke up soaked this morning. My breast pads failed. They were dripping they were so full. Yuck! I know it'll just be a few more days and then my lactating days will be over. It makes me sad, but I guess it's just part of life. Moving on, growing up.

Dan has just left to take the kids out for a ride on the little sled. They looked so very cute all bundled up and ready to go!! Spencer was so excited to go outside and play! Liam was just excited that Spencer was excited!! Awesome.

Anyway, Nolan has woken up from his 30 minute nap. Oh yeah, he's now a cat napper. I don't like that. Must run.

Title-less

...Because I'm creative like that!

I hadn't realized it's been so long since I wrote anything. I guess I've had nothing to say for the past few days. Shocking, I know!

Nolan went through a few nights of absolute crap. He had a hard time going back to sleep after each feed. The past 2 nights have been really good, though. The night before last, he was up at 4 (9 hour stretch!!) and then up at 7...and back down for another hour and a bit. Last night He was up only once, at 2:30! It's now 7:05 so I'm guessing he'll be up any time! These longer night stretches definitely mean he's growing up! And yes, you guessed it, it makes me sad!!

Liam has been using his words a LOT more lately! He's been working on "ok". Cute! He tries to say "I don't know" but it comes out more "no noooOOooo" We get the message though! He's saying "more please" when he wants something and also he's really really good with his "Thank-you's"! He's been extremely cuddly for the past few weeks and I'm not sure why. I'm trying really really REALLY hard to indulge him with his cuddles every chance I get. I know they grow up way too quickly and I'll miss it when it's gone. There will come a day all too soon where he won't want to snuggle with his Mama on the sofa anymore, and I'll miss it. So, even though there's always something to be done in this house, I stop and snuggle every chance I get!

Spencer has been napping without a pullup on for the past few days!! I'm thinking he was just peeing in his pullup because it was there. We still have him in one at night, but if he goes a week accident free at nap time, then we won't be replenishing our pullup stash when it runs out! I think he's ready to go bare butt at bed....well non pulluped butt so we'll just wait for the pullups to get used up and see where that leaves us! He's so proud when he gets up from a nap and hasn't peed!! I love seeing the pride in his face!!

Yesterday for lunch I gave the kids some graham crackers with peanut butter and then I put bananas on one, apples on another, raisins on another and for a treat, white chocolate chips on another. They were a HUGE hit! I've been making an effort to feed them more variety in their diet, and also fun things, like yesterday. The morning before last, I gave them grapes, yogurt and 2 graham crackers, that also was a big hit! I tend to get into a food rut with them and end up giving them what's fast and easy. I've been trying to fix that and give them what's fun and healthy. So far it's going over well!!

Well, that's it for now. Gonna enjoy these last few minutes of quiet before the chaos of the day begins!

Because I know You Read This

Dear Husband.

Can we talk a moment? About cleaning the kitchen, perhaps. Now. I love that you are so willing to help out and clean up after my cooking disasters. But. There are a few key elements to cleaning a kitchen that I think we need to go over. So, I'll talk (Type) and you'll listen (read) mmmmk?

First. The Dishwasher is NOT a garbage disposal. Or Garburator. When you put a plate, pot, bowl or fork covered in tonight's dinner in there, it's NOT going to get clean. When I politely ask you, and then not so politely TELL you that you NEED to rinse the dishes before they go into the dishwasher, I'm not saying it to hear myself talk. I promise!

Second. That fancy long pole with bristles on the end of it in the pantry? It's a broom. Use it. Please.

Third. We have WHITE cabinets. We have SMALL children. One who almost ALWAYS has dirty fingers, so. Can you take a cursory glance around and spot wipe any smudges, fingerprints or all out smears. It's a lot easier to wipe them off right when it happens, than letting them go until I need to use a chisel to scrape them clean. Thanks!

Fourth. If there's something on the counter that doesn't belong there. ie: bills, floor cleaner, dirty sponges. Please don't clean around them. Part of cleaning the kitchen is, well, CLEANING. It doesn't make me overly excited when I get up in the morning and have to spend up to 3 hours re-cleaning the kitchen. It makes me a little ticked, in fact when there's something left on the counter, but cleaned around, for weeks at a time. I suppose you could say it drives me insane.

Anyway, that is all for now. Thank you for sitting there quietly while I made myself feel better. In case you forget, this will always be available to you to reference back to should you forget one of the issues I discussed.

Peace out homie. xo

100th post. And some pictures.

Some shots from Christmas morning. And just so ya'll know. I did not take one. single. picture. of Nolan on Christmas. How awful is that? Thank god my sister was snap happy with her camera! She got some great shots!

3 Months

Nolan is three months (and 3 days) old. It's going by way too fast. Nolan decided to celebrate his 3 month birthday by waking up every 2 hours at night, coming down with a nasty nasty ass cold he got from his brothers and dad. He was miserable and gross all day long. I still love him though. He can't help who gets him sick. I can't either, apparently. I hope he gets over this illness soon though. He won't eat, he won't sleep. He can't lay flat, refuses to sit upright to sleep. It's fun. He's camped out in his swing by the warm mist humidifier right now. I hope it helps. He's got breathe easy goop on his eczema'd chest. He's a mess. He's vomiting up ridiculous amounts of mucus. He' sneezing and choking all day long. He's breaking my heart.

When he's not sick, Nolan is sleeping for a 9 hour stretch at night, waking for a feed then sleeping a few more hours. I couldn't be happier with this. He seems to be adjusting to life on the outside. FINALLY. He's been a challenge. but where would we be without a challenge here and there. He's no longer on breast milk. This is a new development as of today. I was putting WAY too much pressure on myself to make MORE than enough milk. It was consuming me in every way so I decided to stop. yes, I'm having a hard time with it, no I don't know why. I know he'll be fine. The other 2 thrived on formula, he will too. But, I'm still feeling guilty. It'll pass though, I'm sure.

Spencer and Liam are STILL in love with their baby. They love playing with him, hugging him and kissing him. They don't' seem to even hear him when he cries, that's a good thing because he does it a lot!!

Anyway, he's no longer happily camped out in the swing. Better run.

Cuisinart

Cuisinart, I love you. Seriously love you. I have multiple appliances with your name stamped on them, and I love them all. I have your blender, food processor, griddle/grill/sandwich press. And for Christmas, I got your stand mixer. I'm seriously seriously in love. You must understand, Cuisinart. I love to bake. Your stand mixer has made it possible for me to crank out cookie after cookie, cake after cake. All in a single afternoon. My dear husband is going to get fat because of you. I'm okay with that. He could use a little meat on his bones! My beautiful son Liam had his first real go at licking the bowl today. It was whipped cream. He loved it. You helped create that special memory and the hilarious photos that accompanied it. Thank you. The whirr of your stand mixer's motor lulled my precious babe into dreamland. He's currently sitting in his bouncy seat atop the kitchen table (yes I know it's not an ideal location for said seat) dreaming away. I created a desert for my family in under ten minutes today, with your mixer. Thanks for that. I can see a long long and sweet future with my new mixer. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Blah

So last night I had my break down. I cried and sobbed and cried some more. We all knew Grandpa was dying. We knew it for a long time. Even though we knew it was coming, I didn't really ever expect it to actually happen. Screwy right? I feel worse and worse as the days go by thinking about how I had all these opportunities to go visit him while he was in the Lodge. I never did. I was too selfish. Afraid. I didn't want to see him laying there sick and unaware. I felt even worse about it when I read this:

Alzheimer's Prayer

Please grant my visitors
Tolerance of my confusion
Forgiveness for my irrationality,
And the strength to walk me
Into the mist of memory
My world has become.

Please help them take my hand
And stay awhile
Even though I seem unaware
Of their presence

Help them to know their strength
And loving care will drift slowly
Into the days to come
Just when I need it most.

Let them know when I don't recognize them
That I will...I will...
Keep their hearts free of sorrow for me
For my sorrow, when it comes
Only lasts a moment, then it's gone.

And finally, Lord
Please let them know
How very much their visits mean
How even through this relentless mystery
I can still feel their love.

He would have felt my love for him. But would he have felt my sadness as well? I just wish I had gone to visit once. Just once. I'm having a hard time with this death. Harder than I think I thought I would. He was so young. Only 78. Just barely 78. We need to find a cure for this wicked disease. It sucks.